Tag Archives: Images

Jul 01 2024
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Art, Cinema, Film, Movie, Movies, Uncategorized

True Lies (1994). It’s bad but not that bad.

I went to school with a lad who would scream, “The bridge is out, the bridge is out.” This was conducted at random intervals, my introduction to True Lies (1994).

Ludicrous story but pure entertainment and James Cameron gets away with it, mainly for the esoteric banter that is Bill Paxton. The lad defines enthusiasm and lights up every bit of celluloid he’s in. He has been missed.

It’s coarse and childish and it’s 1994. Stick to Bill Paxton and the action. Skip or mute anything with Tom Arnold.

And marvel at the other Arnold on a horse … in a shopping mall. 

2/5.

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Jun 23 2024
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Art, Cinema, Film, Monarchy, Movie, Movies, Uncategorized

Kubrick sums up the Seven Years’ War (1756–1763) in 10 seconds.

‘It would require a great philosopher and historian to explain the causes of the famous Seven Years’ War, in which Europe was engaged, and in which Barry’s regiment was now on its way to take part. Let it suffice to say that England and Prussia were allies … and at war against the French, the Swedes, the Russians, and the Austrians.’

^Saved you half an hour on Wikipedia.

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Jun 21 2024
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Donald Sutherland was incapable of being dull.

Donald Sutherland, above, as Vernon L. Pinkley in The Dirty Dozen (1967), where it all began. 

The classics are numerous, the performances consummate and … just unusual and weird in an unearthly way. He excelled at the oddball, and even when he played it straight you kept watching to see twitches of strangeness. Famously, he was never nominated for a Best Actor Academy Award. But what the fuck do they know? Roberto Benigni won that accolade. I mean, wow ….

Also, for years I thought that Donald Sutherland was Irish. He wasn’t.

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Jun 17 2024
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Prisoners (2013).

Talk about intensity (quiet and loud) from two leads – Jackman and Gyllenhaal not so much as going mano a mano but progressively losing their shit over the shared aim of finding the kidnapped. 

Suburbia’s manky underbelly gets the full dissection here, law enforcement a rule-bend away from a jeopardised case. A despairing movie full of anguish and desperation, it’s not exactly a date-night gig with pizza and nibbles. 

But that’s life. 

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Jun 15 2024
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Art, Cinema, Crime, Film, Movie, Movies, Uncategorized, United Kingdom

The Sweeney (2012). Atrocious beyond belief.

The dialogue in this shitter was so bad – every goon spoke from the Brit gangster heyday, that putrid cesspool of movie tat.

The coarseness of the characters, their shamelessness, was just revolting, and Ray Winstone was truly terrible in this film, a Phil Mitchell impression that would belong in Stella Street. But let’s not delve into it too much as he’s usually more than reliable, sometimes dynamite. 

Remember Heat (1995)? The bank robbery imitation is desperate in this stinker. It was unbearable viewing in a manky film that went on and on and on and on and reached such imaginative levels that “fack” or “facking” had to be inserted in the middle of every sentence. Example: “Stay in your facking rooms!” shouted by an armed cop.

It was annoying as fuck/fack.

And Brick Top from Snatch (2000) is in it.

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Jun 13 2024
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Salvador (1986).

Like all early and peak Oliver Stone, Salvador (1986) is an unrelenting bundle of aesthetic pizzazz and energy. The bloke made movies on Steroids back in the day, his style and signature undeniable. 

This is supreme storytelling, but if you take a mere cursory skim over the real-life events, and especially the narratives of Richard Boyle and John Hoagland, this is total bullshit. 

So, it’s an Oliver Stone movie. 

Never let facts get in the way of your politics, eh. 

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Jun 10 2024
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Cinema, Film, Movie, Movies, Uncategorized

Anaconda (1997) is an unintentional blast.

What happens here is that lots of irritating actors get munched by a snake to our perverse amusement.

You have to give big accolades to Jon Voight for gifting us the most insane dialect ever put in a film, and certainly one of the most absurd acting jobs that would normally feel out of place were the rest of the movie not so mad. As it happens, his diabolical role is merely the cherry on the top of a monster movie so unabashedly batshit it’s now lauded as an exemplar of the genre.

It’s so entertaining that you wish there were more of the snake, even if it looks akin to a Slinky toy in the Amazon.

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Jun 09 2024
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The Getaway (1994).

Remake of the Sam Peckinpah half-decent flick from 1972, more famous for its tales-from-the-set production of booze chucked between production staff and off-screen hanky-panky than the actual thrills. It’s a decent movie, but I wouldn’t recommend it to a human being with a brain.

This was almost unwatchable.

The protagonist shows his own bank-robbing wife a gun as if she had never seen one before. Michael Madsen once again displays his supreme competence by necking a bottle of beer for no reason, slurring his words (for no reason) like Orson Welles in a Paul Masson wine advertisement. 

This movie was completely without wit; the dialogue was unbearable. I watched it for James Woods. I turned this off as soon as his VIP cameo ceased.

Fucking awful.

Next.

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Jun 03 2024
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Art, Cinema, Crime, Film, Movie, Movies, Uncategorized

Hard Eight (1996).

Philip Baker Hall was around forever, starring in seemingly everything, the quintessential character actor, every eclipse given the opportunity to do something more than the dependable authority figure. You’ve got Seinfeld’s Library Cop and the jaded but wise Sydney in Hard Eight (1996) among the background roles, and this film would be worth it just for him alone but there are more treats (just check the supporting cast) in this first work from Paul Thomas Anderson.

Even for a debut picture, this shows his mastery of style – his films are never dull to look at, demand your attention, and there’s a reason behind every dazzling shot. And it’s the consistency that’s the key. You leave with an indelible impression of the narrative. The lad is the Scorsese of the San Fernando Valley.

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May 20 2024
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Film, Movie, Movies, Uncategorized

Pirates of the Caribbean (2003). What a farce.

This is one atrocious movie completely without merit, devoid of any talent, and all involved should be ashamed. And Johnny Depp is a nuisance, a pain in the arse, and one of the worst actors to have ever been somehow relevant. He’s captivating in Donnie Brasco (1997) and Black Mass (2015), but nothing else in the litany of his cinematic crimes galore is worth bothering with. He was in a movie once about a lad with scissors for hands. It was painful viewing.

Pirates is an overwhelmingly horrible film made by prats for prats, and as for the only justification I can make for watching it … I felt like torturing myself a wee bit.

Bye for now.

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