Tag Archives: Images

The King of Comedy (1982).

This movie got so uncomfortable, for the sixth viewing, that yes, it was a wee bit of a struggle – was celebrity worship like this before the internets? – to not turn it off, Scorsese pushing the awkwardness to the max.

De Niro’s strange concoction that is Rupert Pupkin keeps turning up, the proverbial gatecrasher, won’t take no for an answer and as confident as can be, wholly without any insight into his own insanity. He’s Travis Bickle but less visually threatening. But just as mental.

Celebrity is the answer to this lad’s problems in the most static, non-expressionist masterpiece Scorsese made. The visual discipline even works in its favour in how it defines the insufferable presence of this Pupkin creation.

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The Shadow (1994).

For a movie exclaiming to be all about the gargantuan power of the mind and the grand role of shadows as a visual metaphor (about … something), it displays scant interest in either.

I don’t know what this is meant to be. I don’t think anyone in it knew, either.

But it’s certainly pish.

Alec Baldwin, somehow the least annoying Baldwin of four vexing Baldwins, did have most of the attributes you’d apply to leading man goodies – aside from likeability. He even peacocks his Austin Powers/Ryan Giggs chest hair/love rug here with no irony attempted. B for Baldwin effort.

But he’s still delusional in his attempts at the hero role because he’s rubbish at it.

Some actors are better when they’re that frazzled weirdo in a supporting role.

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Blackhat (2015).

An all-engulfing snooze which doesn’t quite understand its subject matter, its technological obsessions appearing as suppositions, you don’t believe a minute of it. And it’s boring, most boring.

You’re asked to be invested in scenes that have no meaning; there are no characters and the only dialogue the speakers spew out is unfettered jargon. We also have cringe effects, like Michael Mann wasn’t aware that a groovy POV shot in a mainframe has been regurgitated a hundred times since the 56K modem took a shit.

There is also a scene in this that channels a seminal moment in Manhunter (1986) when Will Graham figures out that Francis Dolarhyde has seen the home vids, with “You son of a bitch” the declarative sentence. I was horrified at how the director has ripped off his own work.

What a rotten, pathetic movie Blackhat (2015) is.

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Marty Supreme (2025).

Talk about pizzazz and energy. This is the type of movie Paul Thomas Anderson used to make, may he rest in peace. I know absolutely fuck all about ping-pong other than that Forrest Gump aced it once, but I’m sure it’s not as exciting as depicted here.

Breathless fun.

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Days of Thunder (1990).

In a noisy worship of star wattage, it’s all about Cruise – the cocky rookie with the hair, the teeth, the swag, but the inevitable soft underbelly – in what must have been pitched and billed as “Top Gun on wheels”, or is that the lazy retrospective narrative?

Aside from the curiosity factor, mainly how on earth this even got made, it’s a fucking bore for the ages that offers negligible reasons for your investment. Highlights: Erstwhile senator Fred Thompson plays an authority figure, and Michael Rooker plays a Michael Rooker character.

Less a movie than a glossy music video with a few inchoate ideas twirling around, occasionally intersecting amidst the deafening, pointless racket, one gets the impression this was written without cars in mind, but somehow they found their way into the ‘story’.

This one’s a long shift.

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Cromwell (1970).

The pompous, pathetic (and bathetic) opening here, and I’m talking the first two minutes, is so beyond reproach in its inflated histrionics, I almost gave up right there and then. But I refrained from jettisoning Cromwell (1970) in favour of a nap as I thought I just might be in for a hammy treat, regardless of the garbage factor.

I lasted another seven minutes before terminating this worthless tripe, in which Richard Harris’s eponymous quasi-revolutionary literally looks permanently constipated.

If we’re on the theme of excrement, the movie has a desperate stink to it, clearly wishing to ape the likes of peak David Lean as an epic biopic of a British titan, and it even features Alec Guinness.

Sadly, it’s shite.

.

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Rise Of The Footsoldier: Part II (2015).

This has a very liberal use of the F-word. It’s the director’s way of making his protagonist (also the director) appear to be an ‘ard cunt, but then as every sub-soap opera actor in this torporific wreck is constantly swearing for no apparent reason, and they all look and act the same, it’s impossible to distinguish one non-talented sub-soap opera ‘actor’ from the other. I was reminded of Alien 3 (1992) with its prison of shaven-headed felons and how they all may as well have been played by the same actor; this movie is just like that, but sadly an alien doesn’t arrive and casually murder everyone.

We also have loadsamoney and loadsacoke and lads constantly smoking, and cups of tea and scenes propelled with mundane chat around whether someone wants a cup of tea in this cruddy, turgid mess of a turd that has no reason to exist and essentially consists of non-characters sat in a room brooding when they aren’t leathering someone. I don’t even know what this film was meant to be about.

The worst example of British cinema.

A strong 0/5.

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Trainspotting (1996).

The overriding cliché peddled about this masterly, dazzling cinema experience is that it was the mid-’90s version of A Clockwork Orange (1971). I don’t get that, but lazy film criticism like this permeates popular culture.

However, what defines this luxury work is how free of restraint and convention it is, that anything can happen in this magical realist slice of junkie hell.

Anyway, I saw the 30-year anniversary showing today and I am happy to report that everything in it works to peak levels.

A rare flawless movie, a 6/5.

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The Jackal (1997). Madness.

The highlight of The Jackal (1997) is seeing Bruce Willis’ inscrutable assassin inhabit a range of progressively goofy disguises and get away with it. In a rare villainous role, you never know what elaborate wig he’s going to don from one scene to the next.

One wishes it would just focus on this promising procedural stuff, as did its progenitor, instead of the needless Richard Gere IRA backstory. And his entire character arc. And his ‘accent’. Our funny intro to him is of the lad shadow boxing in his cell. How original! What writing! This movie also pushes the absurd fallacy that the Russian police – in the epoch of peak Yeltsin state gangsterism – were trying to smash the mafia. Give this motion picture points for trying too hard.

Sidney Poitier adds the expected gravitas in a role that would have worked better with him as the deuteragonist.

It’s entertaining trash and I recommend it. But I don’t think Roger Ebert liked it much:

‘There was never a moment in “The Jackal” where I had the slightest confidence in the expertise of the characters. The Jackal strikes me as the kind of overachiever who, assigned to kill a mosquito, would purchase contraband insecticides from Iraq and bring them into the United States by hot air balloon, distilling his drinking water from clouds and shooting birds for food.’

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The Enemy Below (1957).

However you fully define the dimensions of screen presence, Robert Mitchum had it. Few other actors – and this lad has variously been described as languid to lazy – have injected so much of his own personality into characters. This in a way contradicts the nature of acting, but if he were merely being himself, then Cape Fear (1962), The Night of the Hunter (1955), and Out of the Past (1947), must have all been different personas of an overall self.

‘His laid back, sleepy eyed intensity, has hypnotized audiences for decades.‘ – Halliwell’s Film Guide.

That’s The Enemy Below (1957).

Intense.

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