Tag Archives: Tom Hanks

The Bonfire of the Vanities (1990).

First viewing after years of hearing the most scathing reviews, and they’re not wrong.

I thought Brian De Palma was meant to engulf daft, badly scripted projects with his patented style; whatever happened, the movie is that of visual neglect, as anonymous as the work of the next hack.

I didn’t get any of it. Was it satire? Was it meant to be funny? Was there an underlying point to anything?

I didn’t believe a moment of the picture and even the title vexed me.

It’s as shite as they say, and Tom Hanks is as awful here as he has been anywhere else.

Rubbish.

Tagged , , , , , ,

News of the World (2020) is a relentless snore.

Once again, Tom Hanks is a flawless, completely morally incorruptible hero who never puts a foot wrong, never makes a mistake, and is not really affected by anything that goes on. Someone needs to just stop the lad from pulling this act. As silly as this sounds, I’ve never rated him as an actor nor his pathetic bargain basket Jimmy Stewart shtick. He’s a vacuum. There is nothing there. He is so dull.

I did expect more from Paul Greengrass, though, given the immense quality of his CV. But this film was a disaster, a procession of one generic snooze-scene after another. I wasn’t just bored out of my mind; it got to the stage around 40 minutes in where I started to predict what would happen next and how the flick would end. I passed with flying colours.

What an absolute waste of time this movie was. I burst out laughing at one bit when Hanks went Full-Mark Antony and somehow managed to start a mob riot through his oratorical mastery of reading a newspaper. I’ve been more inspired by a three-day-old sweetcorn in one of my dumps.

Avoid (the movie) like … anything which vexes you, really.

Tagged , , , , ,

Forrest Gump wasn’t complete shite.

fine-forrest-gump-poster-6

Forrest Gump (1994) is without qualification the cheesiest, corniest, most simplistic depiction of the American Experience and the ‘everyman’ possibilities within the shebang, the movie a ’90s version of Being There (1979) without the wit and pathos. Gump has been labelled a conservative’s wet dream – live like Forrest, i.e., be respectful of authority, drug-free, don’t question your surroundings, and you’ll succeed despite your worryingly low IQ. Wander Uncle Sam’s peninsulas in the manner of his perpetual unrequited love Jenny, by all accounts a free-spirited hippie/druggie sex bomb, and you’ll kick the bucket. There’s something of the ’94 Republican Revolution going on here.

It does, however, work as an elementary and indeed extraordinary introduction to the second half of the 20th century. I knew literally nothing of even the existence of the following until I saw Forrest Gump in 1996 two years after its release: Presidents JFK, Lyndon B. Johnson and Richard Nixon, the Vietnam War, Watergate, the song San Francisco performed by Scott McKenzie, The Doors, Elvis, John Lennon, the Black Panthers, and the virus popularly known as Aids. True story. Primary School taught me none of these things, but I did memorise a lot about Henry VIII ….

ForrestJohn-Lennon21

The movie has little commentary on any of its historical snippets, such is the processional structure and concentration on scope over depth. It does abridge, though, forty-odd years of American history in a running time of 2:22:09 minutes in a Zelig-like visual glossary. Without Forrest Gump, I would have had to watch five more ridiculous films. Thankfully, I didn’t.

It’s not that shite.

Cheers, Forrest.

Tagged , , , , ,