Tag Archives: Rubbish

Jun 27 2025
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Uncategorized, United Kingdom

These soaps need to die.

I was watching a soul-splintering episode of such cretinous drivel earlier, this viewing not of my choosing, me the captive audience.

It entirely consisted of a ‘character’ with a stubborn point of view being talked into having an apostate opinion by another ‘character’ doing the convincing. This happened four times in varying damp scenarios in under half an hour, and the rest of the ‘drama’ composed of pratfalling village idiots faffing around with mugs of tea and biscuits, these additions to the narrative just a tiny step above the bracket of lobotomy IQ levels.

Absolutely fucking hideous, how these shows still exist is just depressing.

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Jan 27 2025
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Art, Film, Uncategorized

Munich (2005).

Such a crap movie. 

Not a line of dialogue seemed blessed with, well … verisimilitude. It was aimless and politically everywhere and represents the worst version of Spielberg. He excels at sharks and dinosaurs and big fuck-off boulders. This was just muddled and all rather pointless.

The writing is very weak and the whole father-son bonding thing here with Michael Lonsdale and Eric Bana was embarrassing to watch and is the most annoying part of a most annoying motion picture.

Rubbish. 

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Apr 24 2023
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Cinema, Crime, Film, Movie, Movies, Uncategorized, United States

Red Dragon (2002). Shame.

This was pathetic from the very first second, the opening a superhero movie-style newspaper headlines montage to make up for the lack of a well-written exposition.

It’s so dull, the script going like this:

Character one: “Something is happening.”

Character two: “What is happening?”

Character one proceeds to explain what is happening and then reeling off a line with a time and date of an event in order to segue to the next scene.

What else? No one in it appears to be affected by anything that happens to them in a case of ordinarily excellent actors phoning it in. It is so badly edited, cut to the max in desperation yet still dull. Framing is without purpose. Music is better suited to a two-hour sequence shot of a pigeon napping. This movie is an abomination. 

Watch Manhunter (1986) instead.

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Nov 22 2022
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Cinema, Film, Movie, Movies, Technology

Arrival (2016). What’s the big deal?

Some movies you just ‘don’t get’. I don’t get Arrival (2016).

It’s boring. It’s derivative. It’s inordinately and agonisingly slow for no reason. It’s not even pretentious but wants to be; if you fail at that then you’re rubbish. I didn’t hate it … which just made the experience even worse. If I despised it then at least I would enjoy ranting about it. It’s merely pointless.

And so is this review.

Bye for now.

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Apr 09 2022
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Art, Crime, Television, TV, TV series, Uncategorized

Pieces of Her (2022) defines derivative.

A well-acted shitter (Toni Collette is marvellous in everything) but this descended into farce after about 30 unexpectedly disturbing minutes – I thought this was meant to be one of those quirky coming-of-age dramedies which can be quite therapeutic on occasion. The horrific MacGuffin had me almost turning the show off, such was its realism and relevance. I give it some kudos for that.

Things got messy thereon, however, and I’m referring to the script. It wasn’t going anywhere and I was losing interest with every gnawingly predictable moment, a pile-on of scenes from other thrillers. By the second episode I was lost in the world of far superior stuff demanding a second viewing.

I pulled the plug.

I hope you follow my lead (see what I did there?).

Rubbish.

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Nov 24 2021
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Architecture, Cinema, Film, Movie, Movies, Uncategorized

The Haunting (1999) gave me nightmares. Not because it’s scary but because it’s shit.

It is not scary in any way; I’ve found the state of one of my jobbies to me more terrifying. What often puzzles me upon the viewing of atrocious movies is, did they realise they were making utter rubbish or were they under the impression that a masterpiece was in the works? The lunacy of the script aside, the ‘acting’ here is hysterically bad, with Owen Wilson giving perhaps the worst ‘performance’ of 1999. One does, however, feel some sympathy for the lad given that his dialogue is from the bargain bin.

So badly shot and edited, but hilarious in unintended ways, I would recommended this to film students. We could maybe have a module: ‘This is how not to make a movie.’

Just … wow.

Even the trailer is laughable.

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Mar 13 2019
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Art, Conceptual art, Modern art, Uncategorized

Conceptual art is an abomination.

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Conceptual art is where the talentless can hide yet prosper, a contradiction laced with mountains of cash. You get these cretins taking shites on Pot Noodle cups or showing the world their unkempt sleeping quarters in an exhibition, equating the display as representative of the decline and all-round decadence of Western Civilisation. It’s poppycock. You look at a Rembrandt or a Caravaggio and think, “Fuck me, I wish I could paint that.” You view conceptual works and cringe that ivory tower society could ever even write copy about such meaningless garbage.

Here is my modern art masterpiece. It’s about the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand. Enjoy. I expect to have this displayed in MOMA next year.

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