Tag Archives: Movie

Enemy at the Gates (2001).

This really was a wasted opportunity, the gift of a premise – two snipers in a dance of death amidst the backdrop of the bloodiest battle in history – compromised by a pointless romance, daft politics, dodgy accents, and a complete misunderstanding of the time and place depicted.

It would have been better to not tackle the complexity of it all and just show the antagonists facing off, with allusions to the wider ideological foes.

The first 10 mins, though. Watch those and then turn it off. Here you go:

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Shaft (2000).

Bit of a trivial non-story this one but what else do you expect from a rejig of a silly caper?

It starts off all kitsch and almost in awe of its prototype, but it gets much better once the police corruption is exposed; it ended up delivering more than I expected.

Christian Bale is a Very Bad Bale, just a slimy, smug yuppie, and as shameless as it gets, but he somehow imbues the scumbag with vulnerabilities; it’s just before his Full-Bateman turn before he went Full-Batman. But the big kudos go to Jeffrey Wright’s wannabe socially protean drug baron. He’s a ludicrous Tony Montana imitation. And extremely funny. 

The small pleasures from these movies mostly consist of spotting the actor. We’ve got George Costanza’s boss from Seinfeld, Dan Hedaya (the bloke who is in everything), and both Kima Greggs and that annoying prat Bubbles from The Wire. And the mom from The Sixth Sense (1999).

Good theme tune. 

It’s not bad. 

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In the Shadow of the Moon (2019).

This was just plain annoying, featuring a very annoying protagonist with a very annoying voice. I realised it’s one of the blokes from Narcos and the reason I stopped watching that show. Michael C. Hall is also in this and he also has an annoying voice. We also have Bokeem Woodbine, who possesses the softest, suavest voice, but he’s not in it enough for the movie to be decent.

I lost interest in it all after half an hour and doubt I’ve missed anything worth writing about. It’s just an array of annoying voices.

Next.

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Noah (2014) is terribly dull.

I know very little about any of this; I quite simply do not care for the yarn, and I never will. So such Biblical inaccuracies are of no concern to me, much as a filmic deviation from a comic book also rouses no faux-incredulity on my behalf.

Visuals here were impressive. The rest, absolute shite, from the horrible characters to the bombast, and the general tedium of it all.

Pish.

Bye for now.

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Waco: American Apocalypse.

Another week, another slice of Netflix mayhem, this series says a lot about the power of cults and how disturbed, megalomaniac manipulators make it to the top in these organisations.

A docu of a pre-digital age, the vintage nature of analogue broadcasting and videotape puts it in another century, which it is, but it’s no less contentious because of it. By default, one of its major concerns is the news media’s obsession with and reaction to havoc, co-dependent symbiotic twins. The Second Amendment is surprisingly given little focus, nor is just how this fits into any broader narrative of Carnage Americana.

Decent enough as a basic history lesson.

Waco, more like WACKOS (plural).

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Traffic (2000).

Watched this again after a decade-long hiatus. I didn’t like it at all, mainly because I wasn’t really paying attention. I knew something was wrong with my approach, mainly that one should actually concentrate on the potential cinematic treat instead of fiddling with an iPhone.

The documentary triumph of it stems undoubtedly from the director’s expertise behind the camera, a rarity in that the helmsman can indeed operate one. The colour schemes for the narrative strands make sense, and nothing about it feels dated at all, even if seeing Catherine Zeta-Jones in a movie is a strange experience. I genuinely forgot she was ever in films.

A message movie and an education piece which works as a thriller.

And stay off the crack.

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Ripley’s Game (2002).

This is the John Malkovich Show.

He is so perfect as Ripley, camp and creepy and always funny, you almost wish he could de-age a wee bit in 1999 and play the eponymous nutjob in The Talented Mr Ripley, which is a belter in its own right.

This film is just great, a thriller which is amusing, and a proper character piece. It’s about how little innocuous things lead to grand dramas, and how petty acts have far-reaching consequences. And how Ray Winstone really should not have an earring.

A riot of a movie.

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Melancholia (2011).

The personal narratives – mega meltdowns – linked to an Extinction Level Event (ELE) is a lofty ambition but the director cannot be faulted for his audacity, and this film has a preternatural quality from the start with its striking opening and inspired use of Wagner (Tristan und Isolde).

We also have an acidic Charlotte Rampling, a plastered John Hurt, and Kiefer Sutherland doing his best ‘Fuming Mode’ in quite some time. There are scenes of such awkwardness in the first act that it’s a genuine feat to have put them together in rapid succession. Then we get all apocalyptic and it somehow works. There are so few movies like this, one toils to put it in a category.

It’s fucking depressing but in a good way. 

Further reading/viewing:

https://slate.com/technology/2011/11/lars-von-trier-s-melancholia-what-are-the-chances-of-a-planetary-collision.html

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Look Who’s Talking (1989). What the fuck have I just watched?

Classic songs you’d expect in a Scorsese movie ruined by their despairing accompaniment to threadbare scenes of Travolta and Alley mugging it, that’s Look Who’s Talking (1989) summed up.

I don’t get the point of any of it. It’s coarse, crude, cheap, and frankly just a minging watch. How is the interior monologue of a baby amusing? Oh, Bruce Willis does the voice of the critter. What genius! 

A movie that can’t decide if it’s family fare or an R rating, it’s somewhere thrashing in the middle, daft and pointless. I suppose this got Travolta through his ‘wilderness years’ as it beguilingly scooped up a fucking fortune. But audiences know nothing.

I watch a lot of shite. I seem to enjoy it.

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Red Sparrow (2018).

Riotously entertaining if totally ludicrous and unnecessarily graphic in its violence and shagging. This is preoccupied with sleazy old men and delectable items of the flesh plucked to seduce them. It’s awkward to watch and I suppose that’s the point of the honey trap premise, which is apparently a widely-practised tactic by intelligence services.

There is nothing complicated here and it doesn’t really matter what city the characters are in. I don’t think I can recall a spy thriller with such a nonchalance as to its locations, which are without distinction.

But whatever, it’s just high trash with a cast who seem to know what it is.

Enjoyable hokum. 

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