Tag Archives: Images

Red Dragon (2002). Shame.

This was pathetic from the very first second, the opening a superhero movie-style newspaper headlines montage to make up for the lack of a well-written exposition.

It’s so dull, the script going like this:

Character one: “Something is happening.”

Character two: “What is happening?”

Character one proceeds to explain what is happening and then reeling off a line with a time and date of an event in order to segue to the next scene.

What else? No one in it appears to be affected by anything that happens to them in a case of ordinarily excellent actors phoning it in. It is so badly edited, cut to the max in desperation yet still dull. Framing is without purpose. Music is better suited to a two-hour sequence shot of a pigeon napping. This movie is an abomination. 

Watch Manhunter (1986) instead.

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Scream 2 (1997). It’s a scream.

One of the many sequels I saw before the original, like my viewings of Aliens (1986) and The Godfather Part II (1974), both films alluded to in the life-imitating-art film class scene in the hugely impressive horror Scream 2 (1997).

The truly annoying-as-hell Jerry O’Connell aside, this movie is fabulous, with frighteningly tense scenes, a tight script, witty dialogue, and a rather gnarly soundtrack. There’s also a genuine romance (Dewey and Gale) and David Warner managing to be creepy merely by being there. And as self-reflexive as it is, its postmodern obsessions doesn’t stop it being up there in the vanguard of the slasher movie. 

Wes Craven was the best. And poor Randy Meeks, eh. Pray for Randy. 

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Street Fighter (1994) is special.

Unit of bad-asses over here.

I don’t care what anyone says, this movie is entertaining as hell and that’s all that matters.

Aye, it’s a pile of shite but it knows it’s a pile of shite; no one is splitting the atom here and that’s a wise decision considering the ludicrousness of every situation, character, line reading, fight sequences, … everything. A nice wee companion piece to Mortal Kombat (1995), which does take itself seriously, but not too seriously, this movie defines the burgeoning video game era, nonsensical attempts to translate a new(ish) medium to another.

In a way, it wouldn’t survive on its own as a movie; it’s game-dependent in that every facet of it is explained by the game.

Aside from JCVD’s accent.

Further reading:

https://www.theguardian.com/games/2018/jul/16/inside-street-fighter-movie-jean-claude-van-damme-kylie-minogue

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The Long Good Friday (1980).

Thatcher’s Britain and all that.

Bob Hoskins as the criminal parvenu Harold Shand in The Long Good Friday (1980).

A “testicle on legs,” as Pauline Kael once wrote of the lad. An extraordinary performance from a bloke who never gave a bad one despite not a single acting class in his life. He was a born thespian.  

Bob Hoskins was quality – even in a Mario Bros. movie. 

‘The Yanks love snobbery. They really feel they’ve arrived in England if the upper class treats ’em like shit.’

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The Whale (2022).

First of all, let’s get the ‘controversy’ out of the way: the director is correct when he says these critics make no sense. How many actors could fit the comeback story of Brendan Fraser in this? How many obese actors are out there? Haven’t fat suits been around for a long time? More importantly, what is the big overall deal? There isn’t one, just something for folk to moan about.

Anyway, it’s not a brilliant film but it’s worth watching. The performances are fine, and Fraser does a rather sublime job at eliciting sympathy without mugging it. And it doesn’t feel like a marathon experience despite the entire story being set within the confines of a house, the shots mostly of Fraser. It reminded me of Tom Hardy in Locke (2013), a sort of less indulgent and more engaging companion piece. Maybe the latter was more captivating for I viewed it melted on a rickety plane dancing over Siberia.

I must confess that I have expected more in recent times from Aronofsky, but I suppose his mega-impressive triple bill of Pi (1998), Requiem for a Dream (2000), and The Fountain (2006) are his stylistically expansive works; he appears to have withdrawn into the interior these days. The shackles are back on.

Decent movie, though. It shows what is possible with a minuscule budget and a whale.

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Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022).

I trust most renowned film critics, so I’m sure the glowing reviews of this are accurate.

I couldn’t make it beyond 30 mins. It was beyond boring. Hopeless filmmaking. Apparently there’s kick-ass action. But I won’t be watching it.

Will win Oscars.

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Sleepy Hollow (1999).

This has quite the cast, and even Depp is tolerable, an actor who has always vexed me. The highlight from the crowd of mostly lauded thespians has to be Casper Van Dien doing a great impression of a bad actor – therefore playing himself. It’s funny because he’s in on the joke.

In this bizarre wee hamlet, the cinematography, art direction, costumes, and music run riot in a stunning visual and aural feast. However, it’s a hokey story not really worthy of the running time, and it sadly gets tiresome, its convoluted conspiracy trappings a bore. It defines Burton, a bloke always badly in need of a decent screenwriter. An unbridled love for Hammer horror will only take you so far.

Still, it’s all worth it in the end just to see Christopher Walken’s chiselled teeth.

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Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022).

The first one I recall was a highly entertaining bit of hokum, a Cluedo for the big (small) screen, but a trilogy of them?

The positives: Dave Bautista is a rarity, a wrestler who can act, Ed Norton is flawless as always, and Craig is perfectly fine in the role. He’s better suited (no pun intended) to this fare than Bond. He’s a camp Columbo and great at it.

I cannot stand the term ‘disrupter’. Imagine calling yourself that. These fuckers get deservedly mocked here.

Negatives: I had to watch it over the course of three days, such was my complete indifference to any of these ‘disrupters’ and any crime committed. It’s boring and I was bored.

And I don’t know who Elon Musk is. True story.

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The Final Destination (2009).

The Final Destination (2009), and I don’t know what number this is in the series. I’ve lost track.

Despite being, well, shite, they are perverse and disturbing and addictive as you know something is going to happen to these highly annoying folk and they don’t. 

Ascribing all of the blood and guts to Death than merely to the accidents of the world gives the franchise a sadistic edge, especially considering how unsympathetic and irritating the ‘characters’ are.

Get the popcorn out. Forget the tissues. 

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