Why was this not rubbish? Why is it a decent movie with genuine scares? A script and crew working in tandem, I guess, and I’m not ashamed to announce that I did indeed shit my pants on several occasions.
Well done.
The Conjuring 2 (2016).
Tag Archives: Horror
The Conjuring (2013).
I’m always dubious when it comes to horror as there is so much detritus a mere click away; this genre is uniquely positioned to beat a successful premise to death, a running theme for all of celluloid and beyond.
This shocked me (horror!) by not being shit. It was disconcerting from the very start, an expert lesson in how to develop a creepy atmosphere and build chills. The director evidently studied the winning tropes of modern horror and all the usual pitfalls were avoided, as there are genuinely terrifying moments.
Cinemas are suited for fare like this, not a laptop screen smaller than a squirrel. I can only apologise.
Impressive movie.
Urban Legend (1998).
It’s definitely not Scream (1996). It’s certainly not I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997). It’s not even Cherry Falls (1999). This is not good in any way, as derivative and formulaic as they come, a copycat slasher from the late ’90s churn-them-out age. These pictures are meant to scary, or at least attempt to purport to be. This mess isn’t, but remains a peculiarity because tripe like this was once made. And continues to be shat out in great buckets.
The movie’s risible/mad premise is that all these students of a certain university campus sit around chatting constantly about urban legends in a movie called Urban Legend, even discussing urban legends with a class lecturer who looks scarily like Freddy Krueger. How postmodern! With all the urban legend-inspired murders of thoroughly stabbable ‘characters’ played by C-list irritants, there isn’t time for anything else; not a single conversation in this pointless morsel of trash alludes to the wider world, a reality outside of their wee sorority of … urban legends.
Regrettably, Brad Dourif stutters up regurgitating his Billy Bibbit act from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975). Weird.
I hate urban legends but I hated this movie more.
Dead Ringers (1988).
This is one of those gleefully macabre movies that upon reading the premise you know exactly who the director is. Yes, it’s David Cronenberg again proving that his oddball interests are not only weirder than yours, he’ll make a film about them.
Two Jeremy Irons for the price of one, and this is the only time he’s gone nuts in a movie. These days, he’s your token British supporting bore. He turns up and he’s the same in every film, phoning it in.
A shame.
Heretic (2024).
Compelling situational horror that wisely draws back from the metaphysical just when you think it’s taking that route. How did this bloke graduate from Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994) to this? Well done, Hugh. Only took you 30 years.
He’s a superficially charming nutjob on a mission. He has a facade about him that is truly creepy, one of those folk who try and act more posh than they are as they feel it is disarming, and he nails the masquerade with the occasional flaws in his accent.
No spoilers here. Watch it just for him.
Nosferatu (2024).
Wow.
The exquisite and sweeping shots here, the depth of field, and attention paid to the sound design were an anomaly to see in a movie within this genre, which isn’t much of one. A breathtakingly beautiful film to look at and listen to, Gothic horror done right. This is how you do it (sorry, Montell).
This is proof that plagiarism can work.
And just so you know, Chris Finch from The Office is in it.
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984).
The original, before Freddy was slapped on plastic lunch boxes – so the popular maxim goes.
No shortage of invention from Wes Craven in this and for even his slasher tripe he usually has a theme or two worth exploring or something on his mind, subtext channeling his psychological preoccupations of the time. On this occasion he is a prurient fellow, teenage kicks punished by a scarred lad with knives for fingers, and in dire need of a personal shopper (that sweatshirt).
The movie is mainly just a laugh, and the set pieces are there to be admired for their ingenuity. Scary? Nah, human behaviour at bus stops is scary. The self-scan in Aldi is scary. The fact that Phil Neville garnered 59 England caps = scary.
Ghost Ship (2002).
The opening is ingenious, a peach of gleefully shameless gore and sadly the rest of the movie can’t top it. It’s a neat wee concept for a horror but it’s as predictable as you get. I made a wee bet (with myself) that one of the characters would allude to the Mary Celeste. Within half an hour they did exactly that.
These movies are funny – actor-stars like Gabriel Byrne turning up in dross for the lolly. Why not? I’d do the same if I were still offered decent scripts after my sins.
Some of the kills were amusing. It looks fine enough. It’s stupid, but I wasn’t bothered. A shitter to watch if you’re ever on a DFDS Seaways and you have fuck all else to do as the bar has closed.
Videodrome (1983).
Mental movie and in a good way. It has a lot to say about media and brainwashing but in typical Cronenberg style it’s through humans disintegrating or losing their marbles. It’s not as bad as Dr. Ian Malcolm vomiting on a sweet delicacy and metamorphosing into an insect, but it approaches it. One would always confuse the Davids Lynch and Cronenberg. They are thematically so similar, but Lynch veering more into dream territory and Cronenberg the flesh. This could have been a Lynch movie, though.
Videodrome (1983) is some experience, and I had to watch it twice to figure out what I thought was going on. It’s never boring and always … well, nuts.
And Blondie is in it but with brown hair.
Further reading:
https://www.slashfilm.com/1520335/videodrome-david-cronenberg-ending-explained/
Wanderings and ... wonderings. 