Trading Places (1983) defines Christmas – Dan Aykroyd munching salmon through a Santa beard.
Tag Archives: Film
The Dead Zone (1983).
A haunting role from Christopher Walken, and just before he became a pop culture icon in addition to actor. You just feel sorry for him in this movie, with the foreboding he is totally doomed, such is the tension and supreme creepiness of the atmosphere. And for a David Cronenberg picture, it’s relatively tame, with none of the visceral gore and unsavoury preoccupation with flesh (mostly rotting) that characterises his earlier work.
The always captivating Herbert Lom shines, and Martin Sheen is a Grade A sleaze.
Decent.
Leave the World Behind (2023). Everything wrong with cinema.
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This had auguries of pish for me.
I’m sick to near-death of the zeitgeist high-concept apocalyptic horror/domestic drama crossover, the current trend kicking about the last few years consisting of 20-odd stinkers from the bargain bin somehow featuring proven talent.
Ethan lets strangers into his home and they couldn’t act more dodgy. There is no reason to grant them entry but I suppose the plot has to happen. I turned it off after this. I’m not watching another one of these obvious metaphorical home invasion yarns again.
I looked through the plot summary after the 16-minute viewing of torture. Was that it? Is this how easy it is to get a shite script made?
Just a horrible wee pointless film and everyone involved should be ashamed.
My film pitch: a financially burdened middle-class family move into an Anderson shelter due to financial woes, and externally there is a civil war kicking off, but the youngest child isn’t interested as he/she/them/it is too engulfed in the pleasures of the mobile phone. Some super-smart badgers invade the garden and try and take over the realm.
^Put a ‘star’ in that and it would be made.
The Godfather Part III (1990).
It’s not that bad, but it is rubbish. My advice to anyone new to these films is to just pretend the third one doesn’t exist, that it didn’t happen.
It was never even made.
The Remains of the Day (1993). Just WOW.
Seen this four times now. It is impeccable and unexpectedly … devastating. I HOPED (to justify my hatred of the worst of mannered British cinema) this upstairs/downstairs malarkey to be balls but, oh no.
Dr. L, sorry, Anthony Hopkins is an astounding thesp when he can be arsed and this wonderful film displays all of his gifts, how he can inject such a pitiful figure with pathos and something hidden but not quite revealed. What a heartless bastard this bloke is, dedicated to his duty – for folk who don’t give a tuppence about their servants’ well-being or advancement/adventures. He doesn’t know what else to do and it is purgatory witnessing it.
The Emma Thompson big-cheese housekeeper goes all-out to show how much she admires him and he is oblivious – what an infuriating fool of a character, but it’s explained why he is that way. He gets there in the end. Painfully.
Tragedy in the best way. Get the tissues out.
And also, Fred Elliott from Corrie Street (1066-the end of the world as we know it) pops up as a district nurse in a tuxedo.
Memphis Belle (1990).
The opening voice-over reeked of amateurishness – John Lithgow narrating shots of our heroes playing football, describing a wee bit of superfluous info about them all – so I turned it off and watched a documentary about the bomber instead.
I believe it to be the correct decision.
Sex, Lies, and Videotape (1989).
What a wee hunk James Spader is in this. Was he the definitive representation in human form of the peak Yuppie era? Spader is almost homeless in the sordid story yet defines that breed. If you ever needed utter sleaze he was your go-to lad. And what an unbelievably annoying little cunt he is here! His purpose is to wind the couple up, expose the facade. And they are manky things aside from the lassie from Four Weddings (1994).
Why do Americans in these films always have deep conversations in coffee shops? I sit in them and want to string myself up, such is the nausea of the establishments.
To summarise, your reviewer felt rather uncomfortable and icky viewing this brilliant movie. I suppose that was the point.
And the psychiatrist at the start is the one who asks Hannibal some rudimentary questions before the doctor brings up stiffening nipples:
Napoleon (2023).
I wish this would have just been about the Battle of Waterloo (1815) as it’s the only time this movie truly ignites, and that’s despite the battlefield inaccuracies and the atrocious performance of Rupert Everett as the Duke of Wellington, the ’90s throwback playing Wellesley as a snarling thug rather than aristocratic master of defensive battle.
The first 45 minutes are great, Napoleon awestruck by Joséphine and proceeding to act in the most hilariously childlike manner, a supreme baby smitten. It’s very funny and it’s a shame it didn’t stay this way, a couple’s domestic melodrama taken to the extremes of the world stage. Unfortunately, what follows is a series of scenes from your basic high school history lesson with nothing holding them together. Don’t expect a character study but a truncated telling of events. It’s an enigmatic performance from Phoenix and he’s always engrossing; the drama, however, is zilch.
Hurried, unfocused, and often boring, it’s a technical marvel with sumptuous visuals but a decent script would have helped. There’s no sense of the wider historical forces that enabled or expanded the Napoleonic Wars, or any concerted attempt to explore the lad’s mammoth fall. Here, it just … happens.
I’ll wait for the four-hour cut I keep hearing about.
The Hangover (2009). Horrible.
I mind this being “hilarious” back in the day. I think I might have lost my mind. It’s a rubbish piece of work, barely funny, and just nasty. Some of the lines are shocking, the story is ludicrous, and there is an unbearable air of smugness to it all. The cast are also insufferable, really mediocre actors. Oh, we had a wild night and that’s somehow rib-splitting. Grow up. Plonkers.
I hated it and you should too.
Wanderings and ... wonderings. 