Tag Archives: Film

The Adjustment Bureau (2011).

I saw this in a hotel room once, but I don’t know when or where, only recalling it was okay. 

And it is. 

Terence Stamp is in it and he is just wonderful. As he is in everything.

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The Last Starfighter (1984).

I dreaded this viewing as it’s never a splendid idea to revisit a childhood classic.

Imagine my surprise upon enjoying this charming little flick. You know what I liked about it the most?

It isn’t shite.

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Hit Man (2023).

This was awful.

Nothing else to add.

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Highlander (1986).

A first viewing of this odd, quite daft, and extremely watchable slice of hokum. It’s the kind of script a wee kid would write, and it’s somehow a movie. The camera work was so ridiculous, outrageous in the angles.

The music is also the best kind of cheese. 

And Sean Connery has an earring.

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Deadpool & Wolverine (2024).

Dragged to this and thoroughly did not like it.

Galling one-liners and self-referential in-jokes and dull characters constantly referencing they’re in a multiverse. What else? Superhero cameos galore, and fight scenes set to pop hits (how clever). And Ryan Reynolds and his inability to shut the fuck up for even 20 seconds. I suppose that’s the point, but his voice is too annoying to endure for a full movie.

I waited outside for the last half hour, so I don’t know how it ended.

And I don’t care.

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Son of Saul (2015).

Aesthetically perfect movie with a protagonist’s tunnel vision style that works, an actual reasoning behind it – it’s the antithesis of the self-indulgent. Much more than a ‘noble’, culturally significant picture, it’s as honest with its brutality as you can get, and vice versa. It did recall for me One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich, and uses all the tools of cinematic technique to tell a story so gripping, relentless, and powerful in its immediacy.

A searing portrait of Hell on Earth, this is not a film you’ll forget.

Proper art.

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Elizabeth: The Golden Age (2007). Help!

Elizabeth (1998), oh yes. I’d say masterpiece, a political thriller dressed up for marketing intentions as a costume drama, which it is.

This sequel? Oh, it was so BAD. It felt painful, my ears screeching and eyes gouged. This review cracked me up, though:

Michael Gove, MP and Minister/Secretary of Whatever: ‘It tells the story of England’s past in a way which someone who’s familiar with the Whig tradition of history would find, as I did, completely sympathetic. It’s amazing to see a film made now that is so patriotic … One of the striking things about this film is that it’s almost a historical anomaly. I can’t think of a historical period film in which England and the English have been depicted heroically for the last forty or fifty years. You almost have to go back to Laurence Olivier’s Shakespeare’s Henry V in which you actually have an English king and English armies portrayed heroically.’

That’s the worst review I’ve ever read. But the unintentional comedic elements of the writing trumps the movie.

It’s a horrible film. Writing this even depressed me.

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A Beautiful Mind (2001). Dross.

For all the exceptional talents of Russell Crowe, he is simply wasted here in one of the most unwatchable biopics … ever. It’s a painful experience for many reasons, and the lackluster direction doesn’t help proceedings. The script, though, is fucking mince. The bloke here, John Nash, actually has his mental illness explained away with an imaginary pal in the punchable Paul Bettany and a make-believe government spook in Ed Harris.

If this embarrassing writing wasn’t enough to make you desire to gouge your own eyeballs out (or those of one of the muppets on screen), the movie has our resident genius’ mathematical theory put to the test in a bar scenario, with him and his wankpot pals applying their classroom discipline to pulling the local lassies.

Throw in some romantic schmaltz and a supporting cast of mainly irksome ‘characters’ and you have a really tedious, quite pointless, and completely shite movie that should be forgotten about.

Which makes this review seem quite unnecessary.

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Rain Man (1988).

I only watched it again as The Hangover (2009), which I had the misfortune to experience recently (it’s terrible), is obsessed with it. It’s not as good or as bad as I remembered. For a ‘message movie’, it’s quite thoughtful and not annoying.

It is also The Tom Cruise Show. He’s not just an exceptionally pretty face; the lad is an acting roadshow.

And Hans Zimmer is involved.

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Youngblood (1986).

The intro could not be more pure ‘80s in its gratuitousness, Rob Lowe puck action synced to cheese. The bloke has not aged in 40 years (paper rounds did not exist for him). Keanu Reeves is in it as the goalie and he hasn’t aged, either. Patrick Swayze features also and he munches on a rose. This is not a metaphor.

The family breakfast scene a few mins in is straight outta A New Hope (1977), almost word for word, action for action; I had to rewind and repeat because, yes, I am that sad.

I don’t know what this movie thinks it is or what the intention was, but it’s an amusing, entertaining breed of shite, a silly primary source from a silly time. But they appear simpler times.

It’s the Mighty Ducks on drugs. Any and all kind of drugs. 

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