Heartbreak Ridge (1986).

Is this the only movie ever made about the US invasion of Grenada? I’m not sure but I don’t think any others are warranted.

It’s highly entertaining stuff despite the jingoism when the invasion kicks off. In fact, they should have just ended the movie once Clint sorts out his grunts and turns the shambles of an ensemble into fighting men. I guess audiences craved/crave a shoot-out.

Clint is one hard bastard in this as usual but also funny. And I didn’t know that Mario Van Peebles could act. Perhaps I’ll give New Jack City (1991) a watch. And this wouldn’t be made today with the constant homophobic insults flying around the place. I suppose this was the go-to way to insult someone back then. A product of its time.

A strong 3/5.

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Executive Decision (1996).

This curious movie wouldn’t be made today, with its suicide bombers and hijackers. And Seagal (sort of) headlining a motion picture. The good news is he isn’t in it for long, which kind of adds to the charm. Roger Ebert’s review at the time is hilarious, “I perked right up” his description of Seagal’s death. And when a sleazy J.T. Walsh turns up in a film you just know it’s going to be a ludicrous ’90s riot.

It has the most irritating scene and character title intros ever, this digital text at the bottom of the screen with that gimmicky digital noise. You know what I’m referring to? If not, then watch it. This was an age when shite like this was churned out monthly. Almost every single one of these films contains an identical round table discussion of generals/admirals with the lone voice of reason/geeky interloper in the middle. It’s the Golden Age of shite. Before everyone got so sensitive.

Anyway, it’s a highly entertaining hoot, popcorn nonsense for a lazy Sunday.

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Gattaca (1997).

This was way ahead of its time, and quite the clever picture. It goes for moments of transcendence rather than thrills, but it mildly feels like a wasted opportunity despite how cerebral it is. You need some thrills to go with the admittedly effective navel-gazing. The casting doesn’t help; can you imagine a proper thesp in the lead, the intensity of a peak Clive Owen?

It’s a very good movie, though, despite the stilted performances. It’s about something. This is a rarity; most of the stuff blasted into cinemas these days – I don’t even know what these movies even purport to be. There’s a glimmer of a theme but in most cases it’s 20-odd topics mashed together by committee.

This has the odd effect of being a film without an obvious style; I can’t remember a single striking shot (SSS), but it somehow works in its favour, anonymity successful.

And Michael Nyman once again proves he’s the best at … Michael … Nymanesque scores.

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The Signalman (1976) is a classic for a reason.

It’s totally gripping and eerie and surely too adult and atmospheric for TV. One would think for that era, anyway. Denholm Elliott is best known for his role as Dr. Marcus Brody in the Indiana Jones movies, but he was more than capable of going proper convincingly nuts in a Gothic horror.

This is Charles Dickens done right.

Here we are:

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The Haunting (1999) gave me nightmares. Not because it’s scary but because it’s shit.

It is not scary in any way; I’ve found the state of one of my jobbies to me more terrifying. What often puzzles me upon the viewing of atrocious movies is, did they realise they were making utter rubbish or were they under the impression that a masterpiece was in the works? The lunacy of the script aside, the ‘acting’ here is hysterically bad, with Owen Wilson giving perhaps the worst ‘performance’ of 1999. One does, however, feel some sympathy for the lad given that his dialogue is from the bargain bin.

So badly shot and edited, but hilarious in unintended ways, I would recommended this to film students. We could maybe have a module: ‘This is how not to make a movie.’

Just … wow.

Even the trailer is laughable.

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Cruel Intentions (1999) is the peak of every single actor in it.

Original Cinema Quad Poster – Movie Film Posters

It’s a surreal accident. I’d declare it a masterpiece if it didn’t feature Tara Reid.

P.S. Smashing tits.