Category Archives: United States

Fury (2014).

By its climax, it descends into the rather ludicrous in such a far-fetched way that even someone with no basic knowledge of warfare would be aghast at, though it never entertains the farcical.

But I forgive its transgressions as it’s so well put together, the action – no-holds-barred as one would expect from the trailers – is ferocious, and the characters all have their arcs. Most of them aren’t even likeable, which adds to the realism the movie achieves for much of its duration. 

And stranger things have happened in war, so our five-member tank crew holding off what seems to be an entire SS division for half a day isn’t that outrageous and insane. 

I think. 

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The Bonfire of the Vanities (1990).

First viewing after years of hearing the most scathing reviews, and they’re not wrong.

I thought Brian De Palma was meant to engulf daft, badly scripted projects with his patented style; whatever happened, the movie is that of visual neglect, as anonymous as the work of the next hack.

I didn’t get any of it. Was it satire? Was it meant to be funny? Was there an underlying point to anything?

I didn’t believe a moment of the picture and even the title vexed me.

It’s as shite as they say, and Tom Hanks is as awful here as he has been anywhere else.

Rubbish.

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Flashdance (1983).

Nothing here makes much sense but it’s at least notable as a primary source, an artefact.

She’s a welder in a Pittsburgh steel mill, an exotic dancer and aspiring ballerina, and quite the beauty. That’s how I imagine the pitch went. But with the thrown-in goodies of a music video aesthetic, Giorgio Moroder on soundtrack duties.

Trends mostly do not emerge by design, and Flashdance (1983) is the accidental genesis of the high-concept archetype that would come to define the ’80s for today’s moviegoer – all surface sheen, the iconic glossy image, negligible characterisation, but with all the requisite ingredients that comprise the popcorn experience.

It’s rubbish but it’s historical.

And this scene is ridiculous beyond belief:

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She Said (2022).

This was deeply uncomfortable to watch. 

I know barely a thing about the people concerned but I felt like I was on the inside for the duration of the grisly unearthing of a sordid series of manky acts by one rotten creature. And an industry enabling it. 

The movie is accomplished in this regard, though it was a box-office bomb (not exactly a shock) despite the talent involved. 

Another example of journalism accomplishing what law enforcement should but does not. 

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Jerry Springer: Fights, Camera, Action (2025).

It’s the hallowed ’90s, it’s pre-internet (mostly), something called television existed, much of it the retreat of the freaks, and watching the box was all folk seemingly did in their spare time.

And there was a show called The Jerry Springer Show, this staple of ‘Trash TV’ hosted by a lad named Jerry Springer. And chairs were flying. 

This is a good nostalgia trip into total pish. But nothing much has changed; it’s a smorgasbord of pish out there presently and that’s not likely to improve. As a contributor in this says, “Anything goes.”

Anyway – Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! 

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Zero Day (2025).

Bobby De Niro in his first major TV role, with Jesse Plemons, the thespian formerly known as Meth Damon. I am embarrassed to report the embarrassing antics on display in this terrible miniseries.

It’s all about De Niro being infallible and imperious as the ex-Prez, our immaculately tailored Jack Bauer protagonist for 2025, an eager biographer relaying all the noble details of his presidency to the audience within 10 minutes of screen time. It’s lazy and dull, and the straw that broke this viewer’s back was our humble former chief’s speech at the rubble of an attack; it was like Bush with the bullhorn at Ground Zero, but suffused with your overbearing De Niro moralising.

This is mainly about Bobby trying to show everyone how to be presidential. I terminated the tripe right there, never to return.

Some reviewers are kind to the show. I’m sure it’s compelling if you can tolerate the grandstanding.

Pish.

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Sleeper (1973).

Woody Allen has eight great films. And double figures in stinkers. I mind Barry Norman listed this picture among his 100 GREATEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME. He was so wrong (with most of his list) and must have lost his mind or been on the gear or something.

It’s okay, but not brilliantly hilarious or breathtakingly original, and often just plain annoying.

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Bull Durham (1988).

A movie ostensibly about baseball. I know nothing about baseball aside from the name Babe Ruth. This movie almost piqued my interest in the sport of baseball. 

From a time when Kevin Costner could do no wrong, hit after hit. 

This movie is good and if made today it would most likely have to have a ‘message’ or token member of a downtrodden minority. Or a lesbian.

Something like that.

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Vice (2018).

An hour of breezy climbing-the-ladder banter, researched kind of well but still replete with whopping inaccuracies, Vice (2018) holds in admiration its protagonist’s uncanny appreciation of the mechanisms of power. Perfectly decent performances and a freewheeling narrative structure lost my interest just when events should have made the content interesting. It got decidedly shite by the last throes and I had no choice but to turn the farce off once the director broke the fourth/fifth/sixth wall.

Perhaps there wasn’t much human substance there to document beyond 60 mins.

Belter of a trailer (and tune), though:

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Thirteen Days (2000).

A very weak Costner performance, especially when you consider that the real-life Kenny O’Donnell had little bearing on these events. The role stinks of ego and the movie is better when he doesn’t feature. Sadly, he’s never off the screen. 

The actors playing the Kennedy brothers are also fucking dire. 

Actually, fuck this film. It was pish. 

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