Category Archives: Film

Jarhead (2005).

Jarhead (2005) is one of most visually unmemorable good movies ever. It all looks lovely but entirely anonymous, solid craftsmanship rather than the captivating. I can’t recall a single striking shot; the poster leaves more of an impression than any of the images. Maybe this is the point – capturing the monotony of war. But is war really this boring? A dozen other movies say no.

It’s quite the riot, though, for the first hour, lots of lolz and a frenetic pace, an atmosphere that builds up to something that … never really happens. The early promise peters out and you just get repetition. Once again this may be the point. But what’s the point? This is a war movie, not an episode of Seinfeld. Watch Three Kings (1999) instead. It’s about something.

And Chris Cooper’s high billing for this annoyed me. He is barely in it and leaves little impression other than a weak imitation of Robert Duvall’s Colonel Kilgore.

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Hail, Caesar! (2016).

Hail, Caesar! (2016) feels both enamoured with and contemptuous of post-war ’50s Hollywood, revelling in the sleaze and skulduggery behind the charade as a nostalgia piece, whilst also informing us that it’s still how the edifice operates.

Eddie Mannix is flatteringly portrayed by Josh Brolin as a reluctant fixer plagued by Catholic guilt, but it works because of the sharks swimming around him. Brolin excels at these roles, capturing just the right combination of the smarmy and the sentimental. It’s a loose telling of events, as anything deeper would result in a murkier film.

As a pure comedy, it’s very funny. And every Hobie Doyle scene is hilarious. A snippet:

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The Hunt (2020) is a prime example of a poster being better than the actual movie.

I think the pig makes it so. As for the film itself – embarrassing, desperate satire which was both highly irritating and puzzlingly boring at the same time.

Don’t waste your time on it.

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The King (2019). I’m glad I viewed it again.

And it was only for this truly sincere and transcendental line from Henry V’s won-from-Agincourt bride: “All monarchy is illegitimate; you, yourself, are the son of a usurper.”

Incredible. True. Brilliant.

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Donnie Darko: The Director’s Cut (2004). Why, oh why?

I’ve always said that Donnie Darko (2001) is a tad overrated, and its soundtrack a big role in the movie’s appeal. However, it is a very good motion picture, one with just the right amount of ambiguity and tension to keep it captivating all the way to the end credits. It balances so many different genres and themes, that for a first-time director its remarkable.

Imagine my horror upon accidentally watching the ‘Director’s Cut’. Verily, I was mortified. It started from the get-go, Echo & the Bunnymen’s ‘The Killing Moon’ replaced by INXS’ ‘Never Tear Us Apart’ for the iconic bike ride home. Initially, I thought I was in the throes of one of these ‘fan edits’ that do the rounds. But nah, these are conscious, completely sober adjustments made by the director. Even worse, the bloke inserts title cards before or after confusing (for some) scenes, explaining what is happening.

He can of course do whatever he wants with his own creation, but come on, man. I can’t think of a single reason why the bloke would commit this (art) crime other than boredom or an addiction to needless tinkering. Anyway, I’ll forgive him once I view the only version again.

And that’s that.

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Spider-Man 2 (2004) revisited.

I didn’t think much of this upon a first viewing. Time, or the slew of shit since – mostly of the multiverse variety and endless remakes and reboots – has been kind to the exceptional Spider-Man 2 (2004).

Gripping action scenes with three-dimensional characters in the mix, an almost total lack of the usual highly irritating in-jokes that feel out of place, scenes with actual emotional heft, and comic strip transitions that work.

Alfred Molina should have been in more stuff after this, the next go-to über-villain.

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The Hunt for Red October (1990)

John McTiernan has evidently experienced quite the few legal … issues in recent years, but for a brief period he was King of the Hollywood Blockbuster, and The Hunt for Red October (1990) his last action heroics (see what I did there?).

Alec Baldwin is the nominal protagonist but he’s more of a link between Sean Connery and Scott Glenn, the two submarine commanders spending most of the movie in a gripping cat-and-mouse underwater showdown. It does what these movies are meant to do – the claustrophobia and tension, the crew in-fighting, but it also has a geopolitical dimension which now doesn’t appear to be merely of its time.

Not bad at all.

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Nobody (2021). AWESOME.

Loved this. Think John Wick/The Equalizer/Death Wish rolled into a can and Saul Goodman peeking in for a whirl. It’s frankly ludicrous in bits but just so entertaining. This is action done right – it stems from the real-life scenarios we see daily in the tabloids and hope such things never happen to us (sometimes they do).

I recall the Travis Bickle’s tragic line, “Here is a man who would not take it anymore.”

But talk about fight scenes. This film demonstrates what it’s like to be punched in the face. It really hurts. Personally, I’ve always preferred a whack in the chin than the nose; with the former, you’re done. The latter, you bleed and show the wounds of battle.

This movie is hilarious and believable at the same time. It’s a 5/5. Well done, Bob Odenkirk. Top lad.

Get it seen!

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Pitch Black (2000).

Another first viewing – I’m on a quest to get my money’s worth from Netflix.

I wasn’t expecting anything from this but I was quite disturbingly surprised by how much I liked it. I’ve never had much time for Vin Diesel, his silly fast car flicks and muscle flaunting, the daft yarns with their terrible scripts. But here I found an interesting, thoroughly likeable and complex character I wished to share the journey with. It’s a glimpse at a career that never was, and I won’t watch another film he’s in because the lad can’t possibly top Riddick.

The movie was as generic as it comes and I won’t revisit it, but the 90 mins were killed and I chuckled a wee bit.

It’s an intriguing accidental portrait of an actor at a crossroads.

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Against the Ice (2022).

1909 and it’s Denmark’s, or more accurately Ejnar Mikkelsen’s, harrowing quest to prove that Greenland isn’t split into two. The reviews are mixed but I was really impressed with this.

It goes through all the survival movie tropes but it’s never boring. It takes you right into the action with little need for long exposition, a crime of so many of these films. I wouldn’t say there’s a single memorable shot, but it’s as captivating as anything in the genre I’ve seen since The Grey (2011).

It can make one dream of adopting a husky. And I didn’t once think of Jaime Lannister.

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