Category Archives: Crime

The Lady from Shanghai (1947).

Few motion pictures from the oeuvre of Orson Welles can be presumed as being fully realised, such is the vivid literature of production chaos accompanying each project. We have anomalies in Citizen Kane (1941) and Touch of Evil (1958) – and this the 1998 re-release that celebrated technical whiz Walter Murch translated from Welles’ 58-page instructions. Every other movie from Welles is a mess, though usually a daring and admirable work.

The enfant terrible of a hundred biographies was indulged one time only; he seldom again had the money to finish productions, or manage them, or bring his visions to satisfactory fruition. It’s one of cinemas great tragedies and there are more than plenty. He exists in this liminal world of half-realised dreams, grandiose what-might-have-beens, stunted ambition, self-sabotage, a proclivity for playing Icarus.

And The Lady from Shanghai (1947)? It’s a hoot. Despite the confusing plot (probably by design), it is technically cutting edge, with Welles’ virtuoso camera taking us on a wild ride up there with the most lauded noirs of the era. A highly funny film that verges on self-parody, especially in the courtroom scenes, it’s as weird as a Welles movie gets.

Worth watching for his ‘Irish’ accent alone.

Tagged , , , , , ,

BlacKkKlansman (2018).

Adam Driver is in most of his output a horrendously insufferable watch, but he’s good in this film. You don’t have to attempt to muster the minerals to take him seriously or put up with his Emo masquerade and he emerges as quite the comedian. 

It’s just a shame that in other flicks he appears to think he’s James Dean. 

A passable, occasionally amusing movie. 

Tagged , , , ,

Jerry Springer: Fights, Camera, Action (2025).

It’s the hallowed ’90s, it’s pre-internet (mostly), something called television existed, much of it the retreat of the freaks, and watching the box was all folk seemingly did in their spare time.

And there was a show called The Jerry Springer Show, this staple of ‘Trash TV’ hosted by a lad named Jerry Springer. And chairs were flying. 

This is a good nostalgia trip into total pish. But nothing much has changed; it’s a smorgasbord of pish out there presently and that’s not likely to improve. As a contributor in this says, “Anything goes.”

Anyway – Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! 

Tagged ,

The Score (2001).

The stories were rampant at the time and bloody hell they were amusing: Brando refusing to be directed by Frank Oz for he moonlighted as a Muppet, Miss Piggy to be exact. The lionised thesp apparently took an instant dislike to the bloke, so Bobby De Niro had to take over directing duties, Brando fed instructions through an earpiece.

Frank Oz valiantly played Yoda through all of his incarnations, for fuck’s sake. Give him some slack, Marlon!

Anyway, it’s three generations of method maestros sharing the screen; sadly, none of them chew the scenery and you can just imagine what Michael Mann or someone of that caliber would have done with the material, even if the script is a bog-standard bag of cliches. 

A movie completely bereft of style, any Tom, Dick or Harry could have put this together, as it’s as visually nondescript and anonymous as a hundred TV movies from the past 30 years. Only this came out in cinemas and features three quite extraordinary actors.

It’s good enough, but 90 mins of the three of them having an unscripted conversation in a pub toilet would have been more engaging.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Zero Day (2025).

Bobby De Niro in his first major TV role, with Jesse Plemons, the thespian formerly known as Meth Damon. I am embarrassed to report the embarrassing antics on display in this terrible miniseries.

It’s all about De Niro being infallible and imperious as the ex-Prez, our immaculately tailored Jack Bauer protagonist for 2025, an eager biographer relaying all the noble details of his presidency to the audience within 10 minutes of screen time. It’s lazy and dull, and the straw that broke this viewer’s back was our humble former chief’s speech at the rubble of an attack; it was like Bush with the bullhorn at Ground Zero, but suffused with your overbearing De Niro moralising.

This is mainly about Bobby trying to show everyone how to be presidential. I terminated the tripe right there, never to return.

Some reviewers are kind to the show. I’m sure it’s compelling if you can tolerate the grandstanding.

Pish.

Tagged , , , ,

Blink Twice (2024).

The funereal pace of the exposition does it no favours; it was painful enduring this and it didn’t stop being dull for a long time in this never-ending crawl to the big reveal that you knew was coming from the off. All the characters were daft and vexing beyond belief, the type of folk I’d go out of my way to annoy – petty pursuits like sprinkling a bit of the ol’ Cyanide in their cocktails for a private wee chortle. 

The premise didn’t go anywhere unexpected and any social commentary was hamstrung by conformity to genre convention and reliance on cheap splatter … which is all the movie really is.

But it did get moderately entertaining once the faffing around ceased. 

2/5. 

Tagged , , , , ,

Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995).

I don’t care that Steven Seagal is a conceited asshole with zero acting talent, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995) is a bloody great movie – funny, thrilling, and better than the first outing. This was when Sensei Seagal’s ego was bananas but could be justified through bone-crunching mayhem that was pulled off so well, you believe it when Casey Ryback doesn’t even get a scratch on him after 90 minutes of knife fights.

Not these days. He’s a fucking pie presently.

Bye for now.

Tagged , , , ,

Longlegs (2024).

Delightfully throwback opening credits, recalling a time when cinema recognised the importance of setting the tone, immediately caught the eye – a rarity. And it all looks incredible, every shadowy frame an image that could have been from David Fincher. 

It suffices to say that I was fully engrossed in this splendid horror, which was as unpredictable as they come. 

We also have a barking Nicolas Cage. 

Tagged , , , , ,

David Lynch was cinema at its finest.

David Lynch – master of the surreal, pioneer of pastiche, maestro of the grotesque, visionary purveyor of all things weird, mood magic man, subterranean cinematic dreamcatcher. His movies were events, labyrinth journeys into the unconscious.

Thanks for the memories. And there are a lot. 

Tagged , , , ,

Out of the Furnace (2013). Sigh.

A remarkable cast wasted on this wholly unremarkable drivel, the script fished from the residue of 1,000 superior crime dramas. It was a mightily depressing watch, such is its tendency to wallow in muck, everyone in it a miserable bastard with complementary chip on shoulder. It’s also not even well made. I can see what it’s getting at – Rust Belt setting, forgotten communities, crime the only way out, etc. But it’s so identikit and dull and the whole thing is by the numbers. Stick on Killing Them Softly (2012) instead, similar themes but far superior writing.

Interestingly (barely), the makers were sued by an indigenous tribe negatively depicted in the movie.

My contention is that everyone involved in this should have been sued for it being so shite. 

Tagged , , , , ,