Category Archives: Crime

The Good Shepherd (2006).

Firstly, let’s get this out of the way: Angelina Jolie should not be in movies. She has no acting ability that has ever been evidenced in anything she has featured in. I mind that Sony Pictures hack years ago when a producer referred to her as a “minimally talented spoiled brat”. Sums the situation up. For some reason she is in movies, and was cast in this to put bums on seats, though I do question the sanity of folks who’d watch it for the delights of Jolie. She’s awful.

Now that’s cleared up, some positives. Like Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2001), this was gripping without ever seeming to be about anything; it’s the little details and the intricacies and the things that are easily missed. It’s less a depiction of Cold War espionage and more a portrayal of a bloke operating within a system of double entendres, maintaining the poker face at all times (Damon is a cold fish here but we can see why).

De Niro hasn’t made many films and this one is curious subject matter. Of all the topics and milieus, I’d never imagined he’d be interested in something like this. It’s very well made, a bit of the Michael Mann about it.

Bobby should make more spy flicks.

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A Civil Action (1998).

James Gandolfini is the scene-stealer once again. It’s as if in every role outside of Tony Soprano, he went out of his way to demonstrate his range and ability to walk off with the movie.

A non-showy courtroom drama more concerned with characterisation than your standard John Grisham, there are also no Aaron Sorkin-style third-act histrionics. The subtle tête-à-tête is the big spectacle here, Travolta and Duvall making sure to keep it low-key but always interesting.

Rather than the melodrama, this is more concerned with how law works and how it can be manipulated. The good guys don’t always win – it’s not a profound point but so few of these pictures make it. Or have such an out-of-his-depth protagonist.

Better than most.

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The Gray Man (2022). Daft and dull as hell.

This felt like it was seven hours long and not in a good way. It was a series of relentless explosions and fisticuffs all shot through with no imagination and zero need for any of it to be happening. Sometimes with nonsense like this fare it can be a lot of fun, but not here.

The mammoth budget is shocking (what a waste), but the most irritating thing was the totally charmless Chris Evans’ attempt to make himself interesting by having a silly moustache. It’s even commented upon in the movie in a rare moment of self-awareness.

I don’t even know what this was even about (a stolen disc or something). So boring, the highlight was that most of the scenes reminded me of far superior movies.

Pish.

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Midnight Express (1978). This movie is a pile of shite.

The wee exposition and the build up are awarded a wee semi-kudos, as is the stark style throughout. It was also one of the last motion pictures with the existence of a telephoto lens. It does feel too much like an Oliver Stone movie, which doesn’t say much about the film’s hack director.

It’s well shot. That’s all I can compliment it with.

The utter stupidity and narcissism of the smuggling Billy Hayes vexed me even down to his semi-mullet, which even got to the stage of him jerking off to an ex through a glass window. The needlessly sensational violent scenes (one with Hayes spitting out a tongue of a guard he’s just jousted) were even more out of place.

The appearance of the father only intensified my dislike of this rubbish movie, the constant hatred of Turkey, and even from this bloke, who appears at first to be an avuncular sort; there is a scene in which he even slags off the locale cuisine.

It was only good when it avoids the very disconcerting politics. Stone has always been a beguiling one, an alleged left-winger/liberal with a predilection for casual racism and a fawning thing for dictators. This is one of his worst contributions to human history.

The funniest bit of this atrocious movie was the ending, when he even can’t walk away from a prison properly. At the appearance of a military car he slumps his shoulders back like an outcast goblin in a cathedral.

Horrid film. Absolute crap.

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The Card Counter (2021). Brilliant and vintage Paul Schrader.

This guy makes movies about the worst people, humans you don’t even want to know. But he always draws out the dimensions and probes at the reasons why people are the way they are. He’s the most mature filmmaker, a bloke actually interested in the human psyche and how film can treat this. He’s also clearly obsessed with Robert Bresson. The ending here, I think he’s done the Pickpocket (1959) tribute a dozen times now.

The acting in this is magisterial and the style of Schrader always suits his stories; he’s so underrated as an artist, perhaps because he’s not razzmatazz, but he can be when the moment needs it.

Most films these days are fucking pathetic, either derivative tripe, childish nonsense about superheroes, or leftist politics running riot at the expense of story or ideas. There is no fun in The Card Counter but that’s the essence and point of it – it’s gruelling and heartbreaking, like Travis Bickle taking a WASP to a porn movie (thank you, Paul Schrader).

Schrader is one of the few left with a soul and the lad has been kicking about for half a century. I define ‘The Few’ as writers and directors who make cinema about and for adults and aren’t afraid to take risks and put themselves out there. He’s incredible and we need many more gems from the lad.

This is a proper masterpiece.

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American Made (2017).

With his natural, unforced charm and (still) boyish looks, it’s easy for many to dismiss Cruise as being of a limited range, a man of few talents but maximising them. It’s a nonsense argument when you scroll through the magnificent works and superlative performances. You can name at least 15 films worthy of repeat viewings, some verified modern classics. I don’t think he’s ever had a bad role, and to lazily use a well-worn idiom, he has aged like a fine wine.

American Made (2017) is rollicking fun, an ’80s throwback which is amusing as Cruise remains an ’80s throwback but he’s an ’80s throwback … throwing back … the present. What I’m trying to get at is: he’s still relevant.

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Ozark – another eventual letdown.

It started so well and the jam they are in certainly has its enthralling moments initially but the series soon ran out of ideas, each successive sticky situation more risible and repetitive. Though the characters remain credible, their incessant switching allegiances started to grind my gears, and so too did Laura Linney’s Lady Macbeth impersonation; probably the most embarrassing I’ve seen, I’ve been more terrified of an unflushed shite in a KFC.

There isn’t really anyone worth caring about, especially as they all get increasingly Walter White. Unlike Breaking Bad, this, aside from a bit of Harris Yulin banter, is bereft of humour of any kind.

The most vexing: the characters’ addiction to addressing one another by name EVERY FUCKING SENTENCE.

“Listen, Marty.”

“I am listening, Wendy.”

“I don’t think you are, Marty.”

No one speaks like this.

Like the later seasons of House of Cards (US), I lost interest in everything so committed the Wikipedia thing.

No regrets.

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Wolf (1994) – where was this buried?

It’s like it never existed, a forgotten flick, a secret wee thing that few know of. But it’s very good.

A standard horror premise mixed with office politics, James Spader chomping on the Yuppie remnants of his late ’80s heyday, and Jack just loving his life. If I think of a black comedy/thriller done well, Wolf (1994) is sinking its fangs into my mind. Jack could do any role and be great; he’s not capable of ever being uninteresting.

And Ross Geller is in this. Jack steals his handcuffs.

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The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022).

Even operatic in moments, this is beyond the ridiculous and enters into the realm of the post-surreal. I suppose one could call it a treatise on acting. Or just a Cage-Fest.

It’s simply … the most Cage that Cage has ever been. 

Which is a good thing. 

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The Batman (2022).

The definite article annoys me. I don’t like it. At all. Anyway, the movie:

It’s all very well designed and shot. The music choices, from Nirvana to what sounds like a variation of ‘The Imperial March’ from The Empire Strikes Back (1980), are inspired, and a car chase respectfully lifted/stolen from To Live and Die in L.A. (1985) works as well as anything in the Batman canon.

You get to see the lad actually doing detective work, and the role of that nefarious news media we all know, think we need, and varyingly hate is given proper weight in the narrative. It drags a wee bit towards the end, but that’s to be expected with this fare. It’s … interesting. Not bad at all.

And Andy Serkis is a fabulous actor. He’ll most likely be canonised for Gollum and a raging gorilla, but he’s just as good as a human. Most actors are garbage yet succeed because of market forces. The bloke with the Gollum voice needs a leading role. 

If Seagal can make it, Gollum can. 

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