Category Archives: Cinema

Dec 14 2022
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Cinema, Film, Movie, Movies, Uncategorized

Deck the Halls (2006). This is purgatory.

I’ve seen some shit (accidental alliteration) in my time but bloody hell, Deck the Halls (2006) takes the proverbial biscuit. 

I’ll just leave you with this from Richard Roeper:

“You can’t believe how excruciatingly awful this movie is. It is bad in a way that will cause unfortunate viewers to huddle in the lobby afterward, hugging in small groups, consoling one another with the knowledge that it’s over, it’s over, thank God, it’s over. Compared to the honest hard labor performed by tens of millions of Americans every day, a film critic’s job is like a winning lottery ticket. But there IS work involved, and it can be painful, and the next time someone tells me I have the best job in the world, I’m going to grab them by the ear, fourth-grade-teacher-in-1966-style, and drag them to see Deck the Halls.”

And that’s that.

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Dec 12 2022
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Art, Cinema, Film, Movie, Movies, Uncategorized, United States

Cop Land (1997).

It’s the high expectations due to the extraordinary A-list cast that sort of let it down a bit. It’s no masterpiece, but it’s good. What’s lacking is a mood, a sense of you really being involved in proceedings. It’s just too workmanlike and clean, and lacks any sense of style. The cop-mob connections aren’t really illustrated, and there’s too much nebulous backstory between the characters.

However, it is acted as well as you’d expect, and even Stallone is fine in it, though his character could have had an edge to him, some shades of grey. The supporting cast are also stellar, and it was surreal seeing the T-1000 with a moustache. For all the considerable talent on display, Ray Liotta walks off with the movie, his conflicted Figgis shambling his way through the narrative, a guilt-ridden bad boy whom you’re never quite sure about until the denouement.

Nice poster, too.

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Dec 09 2022
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Art, Cinema, Film, Movie, Movies, Uncategorized

Another Round (2020).

Mads Mikkelsen should be in everything. Really, he should. Because he is awesome. His ending here (no spoilers) seemingly comes out of nowhere but the booze-infused Kelly/Donen … ripple was signposted all along.

This has a genuinely intriguing opening and the movie never lets up in its unpredictability. The four-character ensemble, lost in a listlessness of their own making, take an unorthodox and ludicrous premise and roll with it. Of chief concern here is the fun of the Devil’s buttermilk – teachers giddying around in a desperate attempt to recapturing a lost stage of development – but also the Dark Side. And it gets very dark, booze an outlet for a deeper malaise. 

The best tragicomedy I’ve seen in ages.

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Dec 05 2022
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Art, Cinema, Film, Movie, Movies, Uncategorized

Tremors (1990).

This movie is so mad and frankly ludicrous but it’s so well put together, acted, and for a movie about killer worms, actually well written. And what a pleasure it is to see the late, great character actor Fred Ward in a leading role. Why hadn’t I seen Tremors until now?

Superb.

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Nov 24 2022
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Art, Cinema, Film, Movie, Movies

James Cameron in the clip of the week/month.

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Nov 22 2022
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Cinema, Film, Movie, Movies, Technology

Arrival (2016). What’s the big deal?

Some movies you just ‘don’t get’. I don’t get Arrival (2016).

It’s boring. It’s derivative. It’s inordinately and agonisingly slow for no reason. It’s not even pretentious but wants to be; if you fail at that then you’re rubbish. I didn’t hate it … which just made the experience even worse. If I despised it then at least I would enjoy ranting about it. It’s merely pointless.

And so is this review.

Bye for now.

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Nov 14 2022
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Art, Cinema, Film, Movies, Uncategorized

Gene Hackman. We think you are awesome.

Such a body of work from this legendary thesp and such a knack for either choosing the right films or being handpicked for them. Either way, directors knew what they were getting – commitment, gravitas, an actor incapable of giving a bad performance. He excelled at both unperturbed man of action and a lad who blew his top when his buried frailties and superstructure of masculinity were exposed.

He actually got even better as he got older, and in the ’90s he was pulling out a masterclass a year. Personal highlight: Gene and Denzel Washington screaming at one another on a nuclear submarine.

I hear he’s retired from acting now and works as a novelist. He is missed. And that chuckle of his.

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Nov 07 2022
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Cinema, Film, Movie, Movies, Uncategorized

Halloween H20 (1998).

Everyone is in this, even a bloke who looks like the kid from Jumanji (1995), and LL Cool J is the exact same character here that he plays in Deep Bue Sea (1999) and Any Given Sunday (1999). Special mention to Janet Leigh’s mental cameo.

A rarity – a slasher in which you can believe that any character can be killed. Yes, it’s shite, but in a funny way, and it does have a wee bit of transcendence dare behind it. Amidst the garbage Halloweens, this and the first are the only ones worth watching. 

Decent poster, too.

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Nov 02 2022
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Cinema, Film, Movie, Movies, Technology, Uncategorized

Event Horizon (1997). Crikey, this is terrible.

A total clichéfest after an almost absorbing first 10 minutes and admittedly impressive set design, this is one of those ‘cult movies’ that quite a few renowned movie critics admire. I believe they have been bribed by the producers or blackmailed or something. It’s the worst kind of B-movie in that everything in it is lifted from everything else, even down to the bizarre appearance of an Eddie Murphy lookalike as one of the ship’s crew; I did a double take and it took about a minute to realise it wasn’t him.

Not a developed character in the picture, the script bafflingly tries to compensate with constant jargon that the characters relay to the audience in order to inform us that we are stupid and not crew members on a spaceship. And it’s all so rushed it feels like the editors took speed during the latter half of the cutting sessions. 

Only reason I’m moaning about such a shitter is that a few cinephiles whom I respect have said it’s great.

They are very wrong.

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Oct 30 2022
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Art, Cinema, Film, Movie, Movies, World War One

All Quiet on the Western Front (2022) is a terrible movie.

The 1930 original is an exercise in magisterial technique. You watch it and marvel how it was put together.

Whether the technique fits the script – most films fail at this – has always been an issue for your reviewer, and as we’re talking about WWI films, the pointless 1917 (2019) is an infuriating venture into needless aesthetics. 

Sadly, I hated this movie. It was the definition of mawkish and naive, the soldiers wee gullible pups with identikit snarling chops, marching about with big gormless grins on their proposed way to Paris. It was embarrassing to view. NO ONE behaves like this, and indoctrination isn’t that effective.

The score – annoying drums for no reason, interrupting the drama which could have been – was not good at all.

I also found it funny how the teacher looks the exact same as the Wilhelm II verbal-shagger from the Lewis Milestone corker – pathetic!

It’s a truly rubbish movie, a veritable Pick ‘n’ Mix of cliches and embarrassing reworkings of tropes from far superior fare.

I lost a lot of interest in all developments and contemplated my next viewing of Paths of Glory (1957).

Don’t bother with this.

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