Author Archives: Ben Gould

The Lady from Shanghai (1947).

Few motion pictures from the oeuvre of Orson Welles can be presumed as being fully realised, such is the vivid literature of production chaos accompanying each project. We have anomalies in Citizen Kane (1941) and Touch of Evil (1958) – and this the 1998 re-release that celebrated technical whiz Walter Murch translated from Welles’ 58-page instructions. Every other movie from Welles is a mess, though usually a daring and admirable work.

The enfant terrible of a hundred biographies was indulged one time only; he seldom again had the money to finish productions, or manage them, or bring his visions to satisfactory fruition. It’s one of cinemas great tragedies and there are more than plenty. He exists in this liminal world of half-realised dreams, grandiose what-might-have-beens, stunted ambition, self-sabotage, a proclivity for playing Icarus.

And The Lady from Shanghai (1947)? It’s a hoot. Despite the confusing plot (probably by design), it is technically cutting edge, with Welles’ virtuoso camera taking us on a wild ride up there with the most lauded noirs of the era. A highly funny film that verges on self-parody, especially in the courtroom scenes, it’s as weird as a Welles movie gets.

Worth watching for his ‘Irish’ accent alone.

Tagged , , , , , ,

Gotti (1996).

An attempt to watch Gotti (1996) reminded of what I hate about ex-mobsters, or ones on the margins of that world, who segue to ‘acting’. They cannot act a lick and it’s embarrassing to watch. 

This has Big Pussy and Paulie Walnuts in it and their mere presence had me reaching for the remote. Uncle Junior even appears; The Sopranos survived despite this.

Then Anthony Quinn reels off one of his worst performances, which defines the last 20 years of his career. 

So I turned it off because it’s shite.

Stick to Scorsese. Avoid crap like this.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith (2005).

It’s less clunky, and not as downright annoying as Clones. Visually, it’s a joy to behold and Ian McDiarmid is having a laugh. But it’s bereft of invention, laughs, and those operatic and iconic moments that elevated the original trilogy above its matinee inspirations. 

Anakin is so weakly written that any actor would struggle with imbuing his transition to the Dark Side with any conviction. Painful viewing for all concerned. And only George Lucas could make Samuel L. Jackson boring. 

You’re left with the impression that the film’s sole purpose is to wrap everything up smoothly and lay the groundwork for A New Hope (1977), which is all quite pointless as no backstory is needed.

Tagged , , , , ,

BlacKkKlansman (2018).

Adam Driver is in most of his output a horrendously insufferable watch, but he’s good in this film. You don’t have to attempt to muster the minerals to take him seriously or put up with his Emo masquerade and he emerges as quite the comedian. 

It’s just a shame that in other flicks he appears to think he’s James Dean. 

A passable, occasionally amusing movie. 

Tagged , , , ,

The Penguin Lessons (2024).

Roughly 43 minutes into this semi-charming, fully pedestrian tale about a cynic humanised by a penguin, I said to myself: “Why the fuck is this a movie?”

And then I went to sleep until I heard the sound of departing footsteps. 

I’m sure it was worthwhile for those in the audience who resisted the temptation to nap. 

What trivial pish.

Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones (2002).

Bad auguries from kickoff in the script department when a security guard (or whatever) emerges from a ship that’s just nestled on a landing pad and smugly announces, “We made it.”

You’re kidding me?! You just gave the impression you didn’t make it. 

What an unbridled farce it all is. But the dialogue especially is the worst of any Star Wars outing ever, characters unable to go 30 seconds without spitting nonsense or telling us what they are doing as if we are at the blind school, imperative piled upon imperative.

The editing is amateur hour. I sat incredulous, legit open-mouthed at most of the cutting choices – why Lucas cuts to another angle for no apparent reason, why he inexplicably holds a shot for an age after someone has finished speaking (gibberish).

And Yoda wielding a lightsaber is a sequence that belongs in a skip. All mystique was sucked from the green dwarf right there in a classic case of jumping the shark Yoda.

Oh, it’s a bloomin’ awful car crash of a flick and I watched it because there is something wrong with me. There’s a lot wrong with me. 

Tagged , , , , , ,

Jerry Springer: Fights, Camera, Action (2025).

It’s the hallowed ’90s, it’s pre-internet (mostly), something called television existed, much of it the retreat of the freaks, and watching the box was all folk seemingly did in their spare time.

And there was a show called The Jerry Springer Show, this staple of ‘Trash TV’ hosted by a lad named Jerry Springer. And chairs were flying. 

This is a good nostalgia trip into total pish. But nothing much has changed; it’s a smorgasbord of pish out there presently and that’s not likely to improve. As a contributor in this says, “Anything goes.”

Anyway – Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! 

Tagged ,

Death of a Unicorn (2025).

An intolerable movie, this was a noisy affair, so unnecessarily loud, repetitive, wholly unimaginative, and just plain boring.

I hated it and hope you do too.

Tagged , , , ,

The Score (2001).

The stories were rampant at the time and bloody hell they were amusing: Brando refusing to be directed by Frank Oz for he moonlighted as a Muppet, Miss Piggy to be exact. The lionised thesp apparently took an instant dislike to the bloke, so Bobby De Niro had to take over directing duties, Brando fed instructions through an earpiece.

Frank Oz valiantly played Yoda through all of his incarnations, for fuck’s sake. Give him some slack, Marlon!

Anyway, it’s three generations of method maestros sharing the screen; sadly, none of them chew the scenery and you can just imagine what Michael Mann or someone of that caliber would have done with the material, even if the script is a bog-standard bag of cliches. 

A movie completely bereft of style, any Tom, Dick or Harry could have put this together, as it’s as visually nondescript and anonymous as a hundred TV movies from the past 30 years. Only this came out in cinemas and features three quite extraordinary actors.

It’s good enough, but 90 mins of the three of them having an unscripted conversation in a pub toilet would have been more engaging.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Naked Gun 33⅓: The Final Insult (1994).

The Liam Neeson reboot is almost here as the teaser trailer has informed us, so this was an appropriate occasion to give the childish, immature, gleefully daft third entry in the Naked Gun trilogy another bash after a long hiatus. 

It’s funny as fuck and I have nothing else to add. 

Tagged , , , , ,