Author Archives: Ben Gould

Oct 20 2025
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Art, Cinema, Crime, Film, Movie, Movies

Urban Legend (1998).

It’s definitely not Scream (1996). It’s certainly not I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997). It’s not even Cherry Falls (1999). This is not good in any way, as derivative and formulaic as they come, a copycat slasher from the late ’90s churn-them-out age. These pictures are meant to scary, or at least attempt to purport to be. This mess isn’t, but remains a peculiarity because tripe like this was once made. And continues to be shat out in great buckets. 

The movie’s risible/mad premise is that all these students of a certain university campus sit around chatting constantly about urban legends in a movie called Urban Legend, even discussing urban legends with a class lecturer who looks scarily like Freddy Krueger. How postmodern! With all the urban legend-inspired murders of thoroughly stabbable ‘characters’ played by C-list irritants, there isn’t time for anything else; not a single conversation in this pointless morsel of trash alludes to the wider world, a reality outside of their wee sorority of … urban legends.

Regrettably, Brad Dourif stutters up regurgitating his Billy Bibbit act from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975). Weird. 

I hate urban legends but I hated this movie more.

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Oct 13 2025
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Art, Cinema, Crime, Film, Movie, Movies, Technology, Uncategorized

The Conversation (1974).

With the films of Alan J. Pakula, The Conversation (1974) sits right in the middle of Watergate as a dark inspiration, and you couldn’t get a more clinical, claustrophobic portrait of paranoia.

Hackman is masterful. His character’s job and the perfectionism he demands is his entire life, and once he makes mistakes, succumbing to emotions that compromise his skills, he is at a loss, a petrified wreck, playing his saxophone in a torn-to-pieces-apartment. 

It’s one of Coppola’s few original scripts and one wonders at the output if he did more of that. There is so much going on in this film, from the moody low-key jazz score to the extraordinary sound design, and it’s a movie obsessed with the peculiarities of its era. 

The twist ending is just shocking and I must confess I never saw it coming. 

And Harrison Ford is in it. 

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Oct 06 2025
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Cinema, Film, Movie, Movies, Technology

Stargate (1994).

Well, the movie’s score is memorable. And we have a macho Kurt Russell constantly sparking up fags and yuppie James Spader doing a bit of bumbling. And that androgynous person from The Crying Game (1992). And the sheer comedy that is Roger Ebert’s review. Oh, he hated this movie and I can understand why.

Stargate (1994) is certainly stupid, oh aye. Really, really stupid. 

It’s so stupid I recommend it.

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Sep 29 2025
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Art, Cinema, Film, Germany, Movie, Movies, Uncategorized, United States, World War Two, WWII

Fury (2014).

By its climax, it descends into the rather ludicrous in such a far-fetched way that even someone with no basic knowledge of warfare would be aghast at, though it never entertains the farcical.

But I forgive its transgressions as it’s so well put together, the action – no-holds-barred as one would expect from the trailers – is ferocious, and the characters all have their arcs. Most of them aren’t even likeable, which adds to the realism the movie achieves for much of its duration. 

And stranger things have happened in war, so our five-member tank crew holding off what seems to be an entire SS division for half a day isn’t that outrageous and insane. 

I think. 

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Sep 25 2025
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Art, Cinema, Film, Movie, Movies

Superman (2025). Why?

A pointless excursion that feels numbingly déjà vu, this was devoid of invention, bereft of purpose.

A universe now steeped in desperate irony and improbably self-aware characters, this is just another messy, insipid episode from a never-ending series of cape-infused guff. It’s a draining affair, hopeless writers attempting and failing (miserably) a high-wire juggling act that comprises appealing to Every. Single. Demographic. Possible.

And there is no solid whole, no soul. This isn’t even a film but merely a recognisable image, a go-to archetype to flog when the chips are down. How many iterations of this wank are needed? It needn’t matter. There will be another mortifying reboot by the end of this sorry decade.

Superman? Super … fuck off.

I lasted 40 minutes.

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Sep 24 2025
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Art, Cinema, Film, Uncategorized

Claudia Cardinale.

Thanks for the memories. X.

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Sep 22 2025
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Art, Cinema, Movie, Movies, Uncategorized

Dead Ringers (1988).

This is one of those gleefully macabre movies that upon reading the premise you know exactly who the director is. Yes, it’s David Cronenberg again proving that his oddball interests are not only weirder than yours, he’ll make a film about them. 

Two Jeremy Irons for the price of one, and this is the only time he’s gone nuts in a movie. These days, he’s your token British supporting bore. He turns up and he’s the same in every film, phoning it in.

A shame.

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Sep 20 2025
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Art, Cinema, Crime, Film, Movie, Movies

Danny Dyer.

How this lad is somehow an ‘actor’ will never cease to beguile me.

Bye for now.

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Sep 15 2025
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Cinema, Film, Movie, Movies, Uncategorized

Romeo Must Die (2000).

This turn-of-the-century slice of hip hop-infused kung fu hokum is worth seeing as a curiosity piece, and Aaliyah is so naturally gifted as an actress you do wish this was a stepping stone to more hefty material. It wasn’t meant to be.

The Timbaland-produced ‘Try Again’ is a banger and a half; the music video is amusing, as even in 2000 the lad was incessantly mugging and rolling his eyeballs like Judge Doom in Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988). The lack of self-awareness is nuts. Mate, you look like a plonker.

Speaking of which, the theatrically maladroit Anthony Anderson demonstrates that he was always an infuriating pudding to watch and hear and should not have ever been in front of a camera. He would for some oblique reason rock up in The Departed (2006), and I’d like to think his character’s grisly fate in that film has subtext.

Jet Li is fine but his martial artistry is ruined with cruddy CGI and I cannot fathom why it’s there. A desperation is in the works, like the commercial ramifications of The Matrix (1999) are still being felt and the filmmakers felt the need to ape the aesthetic.

But it’s entertaining enough. 

Banger Alert:

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Sep 08 2025
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Art, Cinema, Crime, Film, Movie, Movies, Uncategorized, United States

The Bonfire of the Vanities (1990).

First viewing after years of hearing the most scathing reviews, and they’re not wrong.

I thought Brian De Palma was meant to engulf daft, badly scripted projects with his patented style; whatever happened, the movie is that of visual neglect, as anonymous as the work of the next hack.

I didn’t get any of it. Was it satire? Was it meant to be funny? Was there an underlying point to anything?

I didn’t believe a moment of the picture and even the title vexed me.

It’s as shite as they say, and Tom Hanks is as awful here as he has been anywhere else.

Rubbish.

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