Category Archives: Movies

Gran Torino (2008). Don’t mess with Clint (or his car).

Clint – we all go by first-name basis with the living legend (LL) – has perfected the ultimate grizzled angry old man with latent empathy. He long ago (even as early as the late ’70s) mastered fading masculinity and here especially he is thoroughly believable because of the asshole that he is. I’ve read many times that he goes for the ‘PC brigade’. I really don’t think he does; he’s just making movies about what he knows, the type of characters he does best, and he simply runs with his instincts as a filmmaker. He’s not exactly going to star in or direct a sequel to The Birdcage (1996).

He is extremely funny here, and the jokes don’t come from the racial slurs; it’s the fact he’s this hard-as-nails old geezer and no one in the movie either expects it nor can handle it.

“Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while who you shouldn’t have fucked with? …. That’s me.”

He’s quite hit and miss as a director, but when he stars in a film, or one of his own, it’s usually very good.

He must be pushing 100 now. He’s incredible.

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No Time To Die (2021) is utter rubbish. Don’t waste your time on it.

I didn’t think much of Casino Royale (2006), I’ve forgotten everything about Quantum of Solace (2008), couldn’t stand Skyfall (2012), and hated Spectre (2015) mainly because it somehow made boring the considerable talents of his preeminence Herr. Christoph Waltz. I don’t mind Daniel Craig as an actor but he’s nothing special. My main gripe against these silly movies, though, is that they are so in awe of Jason Bourne it’s embarrassing. They are incapable of being Bond and feel the need to ape the zeitgeist.

So, I suppose I came into No Time To Die (2021) with an open mind when I saw it yesterday with the usual alcopop smörgåsbord tucked under my cardigan.

My thoughts:

It’s so annoyingly crap. It dragged on and on and on, and I fell asleep for what I think was 30 minutes. The first hour was actually decent, Ana de Armas’ cameo easily the highlight. She injects so much unpredictable energy into proceedings that she makes the rest of the prosaic elements on display to be of no consequence. And jarringly, it feels like her vignette is from another movie; it stinks of a reshoot and a different writer hired a year after the first cut.

And the villains – all four of them – were a snore, one generic cardboard nonentity after another, with Waltz wasted yet again. A full saggy middle consists of all the players explaining the convolutions of the plot to the audience. And sadly, there is zero chemistry between Bond and the Léa Seydoux character; she’s a thoroughly talented actor but has more of a glacial appeal better suited to French arthouse cinema than a Bond movie. She looks decidedly uninterested throughout proceedings.

Even more vexing, the film has the desperation to resort to appropriating a song from one of the only few Bond movies worthy of a repeat viewing. The action is thrilling, but so what? If that’s what you judge a movie on then I can watch 50 other more captivating motion pictures, from vintage John Woo in his Hong Kong heyday to peak Paul Greengrass.

No Time To Die is tiresome and tedious and relentlessly pointless.

Brace yourself for the next shite adventure.

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I wish I’d turned off The Village (2004).

I saw it in the cinema and thought it was brilliant! This is why we don’t go back.

This movie is so terrible that even at the 28-minute stage I was gasping for it to expire. A Council of Elders, ‘evil creatures’ lurking in the woods. It’s the most obvious and worst premise and metaphor ever, and so boring. The twist ending barely bothered me as much as the preceding nonsense leading up to it. I’ve read contemporary reviews lauding the film’s treatment of the Iraq War. Are these critics on drugs?

Speaking of which, I would have bolted from the entire 19th-century scheme like Gump on a combo of Red Bull, Monster, Relentless, and crystal meth.

“Those We Don’t Speak Of”? I’d like to never again speak of this movie.

Pish.

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Christian Bale goes FULL-BRANDO in The Fighter (2010).

He’s off the charts in this, he really is. It’s the most self-effacing acting job in years. He defines scumbag ‘junkie’ but by the end you realise the bloke does have a heart and everything he does is for a reason, though he usually fucks it up. It’s a redempton story and one of the best because it’s REAL.

That last fight scene is the damage. It’s drama and technique. And it actually happened.

Let the clips commence!

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I’ve heard many times that Chinatown (1974) is the perfect screenplay. Accurate statement.

And the perfect movie. Disturbing, very clever, incredibly paced. Acting off the charts.

It defines ‘slow-burning drama’, and there is a joy in every scene with its peculiarities and what-you-think-are-pointless details. The explosions of violence are exactly that because they rarely happen but when they do they … do. It’s a noir that like the best of noirs becomes more than a PI job, ’30s Los Angeles the personal and the metaphorical. Best scene – J. J. “Jake” Gittes winding up the batty secretary to no end with his seemingly … pointless questions. Nothing in this movie is pointless.

It’s cliché to talk about masterful portraits of ugly capitalism. But this is one of them.

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1917 (2019) irritated me beyond belief.

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Finally got around to seeing this having missed it on the big screen. Netflix would have to make do as it usually does these days. I suppose movies like this demand the theatre experience, but I’m not waiting a decade for a one-off re-release.

Cinema concerning The Great War is understandably not omniscient as affairs regarding WWII are. The former conflict as seen by contemporary historiography (at least on the Western Front) is more static, more simple, with less of a political and civilian dimension. There are exceptions in cinema – Kubrick’s Paths of Glory (1957), Lawrence of Arabia (1962), The White Ribbon (2009), but there are only a handful ever worth watching again.

I couldn’t stand this movie.

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It’s appalling acting from many on display. The main bloke is good but the rest are phoning it in. There are so many annoying cameos from marquee actors who appear merely to boost the star names on the poster.

Bizarrely, it seldom feels like anything is at stake; I wasn’t bothered about any of the developments. One of the bloodiest and destructive conflicts in history is reduced to a bloodless, frankly boring episode which never once feels real or sincere. And as for the ‘one shot’ USP, it’s nothing more than a gimmick. But then a moment happens when it stops being a sequence shot by cutting to black, which negates the so-called perfectionism of the preceding exercise. It’s pointless.

And a lonely French woman makes an appearance, and she proceeds to shelter the protagonist. No cliché unturned.

Stick to Paths of Glory (1957).

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The Tree of Life (2011).

I barely understand half of the stuff that went on but the movie somehow reaches an inexplicable transcendence in its last 30 minutes. I believe Terrence Malick is some kind of anomaly. He didn’t make a movie for two decades and now he’s putting out a picture every other year.

I’ll let Roger Ebert do the talking on this one:

‘Terrence Malick’s “The Tree of Life” is a film of vast ambition and deep humility, attempting no less than to encompass all of existence and view it through the prism of a few infinitesimal lives. The only other film I’ve seen with this boldness of vision is Kubrick’s “2001: A Space Odyssey,” and it lacked Malick’s fierce evocation of human feeling. There were once several directors who yearned to make no less than a masterpiece, but now there are only a few. Malick has stayed true to that hope ever since his first feature in 1973.’

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The Last Crusade (1989). Oh my.

The chemistry between Ford and Connery is magical and even if the other components weren’t there, it would still be a memorable film because of the relationship. However, the prologue is still fabulous. Donovan’s ultra-ageing after sipping from the gold cup is still nightmare worthy. The action is still fast and inventive. It’s such a relentlessly entertaining yarn, and even the bad guys have something about them. The SS lad somehow rocked up in Braveheart (1995) and … of all things, Corrie Street as a member of the Gail Platt outfit. And Grange Hill’s Mr. Bronson plays Hitler here.

And Marcus got lost in his own museum.

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The Equalizer (2014) is bloody brilliant.

I mean, it’s bloody, as in baddies die and it’s graphic (which violence is). It’s Denzel doing his best Denzel; the opening sequence hilariously exposes his OCD by having the lad use a toothbrush to manicure his sneakers. You see him at work in a Walmart factory or whatever and he’s dedicated to the job. You get the feeling he’s hard as nails, though. And he turns out to be in the most Denzel way feasible.

The antagonist has a personality and is interesting; this is a rarity in the current action-thriller landscape. The soundtrack/score also works.

And Denzel utilises a nail gun.

Also, I’ve never seen the Edward Woodward TV show. It’s too late now to bother with it.

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The Thing (1982) is a riot and defines John Carpenter.

There exists an incredible canon of Carpenter movies from the ’70s and ’80s – Carpenter pulling out one sublime picture after another. A wee bit of snobbery swirls around commentary on him, that he can’t do a period drama or handle anything another other than horror and thrills, which is making an obvious point. And I keep referring to him in the past tense. Because I haven’t seen a new movie from the lad for decades.

As much as I would ascribe the term ‘auteur’ to the truly multi-skilled Carpenter, folk read way too much into these films, always seeking for the allegorical or the profound statement. They are all cult B-movies where very little acting nuance is needed, high-concept affairs elevating the primacy of the image and the economy of the edit. You’re in it for 90 minutes and then afterwards that’s that. It’s not Antonioni.

And to The Thing (1982) and that score, the landscape, the constant menace, and yet with the wackiest visual effects, brilliant for their time and curiously not dated at all.

The Thing is his peak.

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