Airport security pre 9/11.

tsa_lax_050211getty

Waiting at the gate is an exploit I remember from that Friends episode (“The One with Ross’s New Girlfriend”, 1995) when Rachel – peak Jennifer Aniston with flowers in hand – waits for Ross returning from China, only for him to emerge with a new missus. Much like the whimsical innocence of mid-’90s sitcoms, we’ll never see such things in an airport again.

Looking at pre-9/11 airports is as if being confronted with an alien entity – the lax rules, the laissez-faire atmosphere of the buildings, the … freedom of the places. I flew on about seven flights prior to September 11, and even as a teenager I recall the airport endeavour was a doddle, much like crucifixion in the Python cinematic universe. It explains the success of the hijackers, especially when you consider box cutters and small knives were permitted on certain aircraft at the time.

I don’t think anyone with a modicum of concern for their own or another’s safety is bothered about making the ‘sacrifices’ of conforming to post-9/11 air travel rules. No bottle of Volvic allowed from outside the airport? Diddums. It’s a small price to pay.

The awfulness stems from interaction with passengers who are thick as fuck, and these are voluminous. Airports appear to be a breeding ground for the bottom-rung IQ scale of the general public. I’m talking about fuckers who line up at the conveyor belt oblivious to the omniscient signs on display indicating the liquid prohibitions, clowns who try and smuggle Prosecco on board, the haughty lot who protest at taking their shoes off, the numpties who insist on walking through the metal detector with a pocket full of shrapnel.

They are the real pain in the arse.

Further reading:

https://www.farecompare.com/travel-advice/9-ways-security-has-changed-since-911/

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/jun/29/my-short-life-as-an-airport-security-guard

https://www.cntraveler.com/story/how-airport-security-has-changed-since-september-11

https://www.cheatsheet.com/culture/things-you-could-do-at-an-airport-before-9-11.html/

Tagged , , , , , , ,

Creed II (2018) is gash.

Creed-2

A bit disappointed in Creed II (2018). Not that the Rocky movies didn’t regurgitate the same stale stuff (accidental alliteration) over and over and over, but the OTT formula worked for the majority of chapters in the franchise. My personal ranking is: Rocky, Rocky II, Rocky IV, Rocky Balboa, Rocky III, Creed, and the total shitstorm that is Rocky V, a movie that is clearly mentally ill.

Sadly, this new episode is also rubbish. Stallone is basically the same ‘will = win’ verbatim figure as always – every line he spews out is Rocky Balboa (2006) and Creed (2015) put through a Microsoft Word thesaurus – but seems totally out of sync with the the hip hop Kendrick Lamar-soundtracked reboot surroundings. He’s an incredibly boring actor at times, and he sleepwalks through this.

And there’s not enough Drago. There are so many opportunities to develop dimensions in this character, but they are wasted. He remains a one-note villain, a snarling mute who may as well be a brick wall.

However, seeing Brigitte Nielsen look like a pancake chucked in acid was a highlight. Something out of a Brazil (1985) facelift, it’s the only item of curiosity in the snoozefest.

There is no reason for this movie to exist.

Bye for now.

Tagged , , , , , ,

Berlin – Metropolis of Crime (1918-1933).

An excellent wee doc here from DW, the anything-goes bacchanal of the Weimar Republic captured in all its glory. What a time to be alive – left vs. right, paramilitary chaos, Fritz Langesque serial killers, rampant crime, easy credit, and in the middle of this ‘Golden Twenties’ expressionist bonanza, Berlin’s loonies shagging, drinking, and sliding down poles. Just lovely.

Further reading:

http://www.spiegel.de/international/germany/spiegel-series-on-berlin-history-the-golden-twenties-a-866383.html

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sensation White – Amsterdam.

IMG01548-20100704-0117

2010, 2011, 2012 – I call those melted days the ‘Holy Trinity’. In your twenties you have carte blanche to do whatever the fuck you want; my modus vivendi was getting absolutely melted at trance events on the continent. Sadly, those days are over, but I do enjoy a wee throwback video from time to time, drinking Peach Schnapps in my living room, swinging a glow stick around like a demented spacker.

As for Amsterdam, it’s a bit of a hovel (too many ruffians, too many bikes) but the Ajax strip is lovely and their stadium permits all manner of chav behaviour in the summer.

Tagged , , , , , ,

The Airbus A380 superjumbo is done.

5c535331d7ab670292531998-2732-13662021 and that’s the end for the Gulliver of the skies. Airbus – Boeing’s apparent nemesis – announced this month that their double-deck four-engine behemoth with its looney range of 8,500 nautical miles (with plush onboard bars), will no longer be made once its last deliveries are finished in 2021. Emirates were Airbus’ biggest customer, but once they cut their orders it was game over.

_105630132_gettyimages-1061455814

It’s another example of the economics simply not working despite the superior aesthetics on display, airlines opting for smaller twin-engine planes, i.e., more efficient, cost-friendly orders.

It’s not exactly a Greek tragedy but a bit of a shame. As James Cameron (perhaps apocryphally) once said, “Bigger is better.” However, we will still see the existing colossal beasts rampaging through the clouds in the decades to come and then, presumably, dwindle away like the Dreadnought battleship of the early 20th century, sold for scrap metal or converted into a niche hotel for plane spotters who habitually wear Concorde pyjamas.

Sad.

Further reading:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-47225789

https://newatlas.com/airbus-a380-cease-deliveries/58486/

https://www.theguardian.com/business/2019/feb/14/passengers-love-airbus-a380-but-it-never-fully-took-off-with-buyers

Tagged , , , ,

Princes Street wasn’t always a toilet.

I fucking hate Princes Street. It’s dire, chock-full of stores that appear designed exclusively for desperate housewives. There are also mobile phone shops and a budget book place – this curious number sells no novels, the only items on display autobiographies of pointless celebrities and road maps of Denmark published in 2004. All very bizarre. Added to this is the plethora of American tourists crawling about with their bumbags on, elephants in the In Bruges (2008) sense.

Princes Street looked decent in 1858, though. No spackers to be seen here.

2928421735_fdd035d7c6_o

 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Ennio Morricone tour.

Ennio-Morricone-201114I first heard Ennio Morricone emanating from a dusty 4:3 TV in 1999. It was quite the introduction. For a Few Dollars More (1965) was on and I must confess it was the music that sucked me in rather than the story; I’d simply never heard of anything even remotely like it before. These days, on a Saturday afternoon attempting to trot off flab from a surfeit of Friday night booze, I on occasion find myself panting past our local Edinburgh prison to the very same maestro whom I ‘met’ in ’99, The Mission (1986) theme carrying me to the finish line.

MV5BYTVkYTU3OWEtYWFmNS00Y2YwLWFmODctOGRlNTZhMWUxYzE4XkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNjkxMjM5Nzc@._V1_

Claudia Cardinale in Once Upon a Time in the West (1968).

The Italian’s music is synonymous with American cinema, just as his friend, compatriot and collaborator Sergio Leone is in the vanguard of Americana. Looking back at those Leone masterworks, seldom has music so perfectly been synced to visuals. And it is telling to know that the score was indeed played on set and the shots aligned to its rhythm.

His final live performances have arrived this year. I hate to say ‘swansong’ but one wonders where Morricone continues to muster the energy from at 90 years of age. His upcoming concerts are in Antwerp, Dublin, Verona, and the last showings in June – six nights in a row – at the Terme di Caracalla in Rome. One must truly experience The Ecstasy of Gold at these splendid Roman baths.

3437856_1442_termae

Terme di Caracalla, Rome.

One expects an anthology – this a fucking hell of a task to cherry-pick from over 500 scores – of some of the most operatic and iconic music to have emerged from 20th century cinema. Ennio Morricone is a trooper.

Further reading/viewing:

http://www.enniomorricone.org/events/

https://www.theguardian.com/music/2018/nov/27/ennio-morricone-review-o2-arena-london

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Outlaw King (2018).

lead_720_405This feature-length Netflix release garnered mixed reviews (63% on Rotten Tomatoes) but I was quite impressed by it. The film doesn’t have the romantic sweep and scope of Braveheart (1995) but it excels in details – its gritty and grim depiction of Medieval warfare and the violent politics at the heart of the Wars of Scottish Independence.

The movie is brooding and deadly serious, and, shockingly, well acted. Chris Pine might just be the only Yank capable of pulling off a half-decent Scots accent. Every previous attempt at a Scottish brogue made by an actor – save Jonny Lee Miller in Trainspotting (1996) – has been disastrous, Groundskeeper Willie in the flesh. Pine thankfully doesn’t go OTT.

outlaw-king-cut-700x321

There’s no Battle of Bannockburn (1314) here, the movie acting as a sort of Batman Begins-esque ‘making of’ Robert the Bruce, the first act of a broader narrative. It’s decent –  no superheroes in capes or one-liners, just chain mail and chopped heads. Proper carnage. The Glory Days.

Tagged , , , , , , ,

Flughafen Berlin Brandenburg Willy Brandt – the Neverending Story.

da0559965a2ee384756817c6b023c7df_standard

This airport – with carriers Easyjet, Germanwings, and Lufthansa set to dominate the runways – is now apparently meant to be operating in 2022, though this deadline changes every month. German so-called efficiency is down the pan with this mishap; construction started in 2006 when I had just emerged from Blue WKDs. It’s almost as if the nostalgia-afflicted aficionados for Schönefeld Airport and its GDR connotations have sabotaged the project, and Willy Brandt isn’t exactly a cool name (much unlike the rather dapper statesman).

Berlin

Trying to understand the myriad fuck-ups that can afflict a bunch of runways (this place was meant to have opened in 2011) is more difficult, I imagine, than Forrest Gump attempting a Will Hunting equation on a Fisher-Price calculator. Berlin is a beastly, glorious experience, however, so I can’t wait to wander around this airport in an attempt to pap a midget clutching a miniature bottle of Jägermeister.

Further reading:

https://edition.cnn.com/travel/article/new-airports-and-terminals/index.html

https://onemileatatime.com/berlin-brandenburg-airport/

https://edition.cnn.com/travel/article/berlin-brandenburg-airport-debacle/index.html

https://centreforaviation.com/analysis/reports/berlins-brandenburg-airport-opportunity-in-a-long-haul-vacuum-443298

Tagged , , , , , ,

The Great War (1964).

60934297b9eb5b33b74ff62de4022d2a

I finally got around to viewing this epic 26-episode series from 1964. It’s an incredible compendium of WWI in all its participants’ hubris and misguided adventurism, and is majestically narrated by Sir Michael Redgrave (this bloke sounds more Laurence Olivier than Laurence Olivier himself).

This is how to do a documentary – with sweeping scope and intricate detail, no half measures. With terrifying archive footage and an expert use of primary sources read by contemporary actors, as well as interviews with those serving on the military and civilian fronts, it set the benchmark for such works, acting as a precursor to The World at War (1973).

The wonders of the Internet ensure it is free to binge-watch.

 

Tagged , , , ,