Abroad in pictures.

I find the most captivating ‘holiday movies’ to be the ones in which the jaded protagonist ventures off in search of relaxation – a chance to charge those batteries and perhaps experience ‘something new’ – but ends up losing the plot in a quagmire of, well, insanity. There’s a picture-postcard theme of the holiday embedded in the Lonely Planet narrative and the airport page-turner. The reality can sometimes be quite the opposite. Cinema has on occasion captured the nightmarish fever of being totally vulnerable in an alien environment.

Frantic (1988).

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A cracking performance from Harrison Ford here in a masterful Polanksi thriller. Dr. Richard Walker and his wife hit Paris – the city of their honeymoon – in an attempt to rekindle the passion in their marriage. What results is his wife’s kidnapping and a haphazard travail through the murky criminal underworld populated by petty crooks, shady governments, and international terrorists. It’s a film way ahead of its time. Paris is (strikingly) depicted as a sprawling mess. The opening scene in the taxi is an introduction to the French capital as not the romantic destination of lore but of a dark and menacing city-circus.

The Beach (2000).

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In the tourist trap that is ‘The Land of Smiles’, an unimpressed few in their pursuit of travelogue perfection seek an idyllic paradise, serene vistas without the holidaying masses. The book is a masterpiece depiction of what happens when overly impressionable humans get together in an unspoiled paradise they assume is the aesthete’s apex. The film loses its way in the final third, but for a good hour it is stunning cinema, truly capturing that obsessive pursuit of the Shangri-La. Even the ridiculous All Saints track synced to a cheesy interlude in the ocean works.

The Passenger (1975).

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The Passenger channels that temptation seeping behind many an excursion – keep the holiday going, recant one’s existing life of drab conformity, construct a new identity. If no one knows you then you can be anything, so goes the dictum. The past has a way of catching up with you, though, or the circumstances of your switch to a new life are tainted. The film is a devastating picture concerned with fate, the impossibility of reinvention, and the indifference of the landscape to your psychological crises.

Don’t Look Now (1973).

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I was in Venice last September. It was sublime, borderline magical, and wholly civilised. All I did was drink wine in restaurants and saunter about the alleys, a wannabe seeker of the ‘Venetian feel’. I saw a pair of underpants hoisted on some blinds and considered this window symbolic.

Anyway, that was my drama. Let’s consider Don’t Look Now (1973). The impediments to recapturing past serenity, the simultaneous allure and fear of the unknown, the idea that in an unfamiliar milieu one can transplant a spark that existed in another epoch. Metaphoric to the max as the movie is, I’ve seldom seen such a *real*, evocative portrait of holiday hell.

Sexy Beast (2000).

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I love the central conceit of this: your retirement is all fine and dandy until a fellow (admittedly psychotic) Brit turns up to ruin the party. It’s very apt that the film is set in Spain. Sun and solitude ruined by a foul-mouthed ape – it’s most likely how the locals view British tourists swaggering about the Costa del Sol.

Glencourse Reservoir.

Hills, sheep, cows, fishermen, and walkers. IMG_20160402_144926IMG_20160402_144741IMG_20160402_155609

1863 ….

battlefield-casualties-gettysburg-PGettysburg, July 1863 by Timothy H. O’Sullivan.

The apex of war photography is attributed to World War Two and the snappage of Robert Capa. So much about this image captivates, though. It’s a disturbingly beautiful and haunting capture, even transcendental, one might say.

Who are these people in the frame? What is their narrative, their hopes and proverbial dreams? Does is warrant a book? No one seems to know. Is there a way to know their spouses or their antecedents?

The U.S. Civil War is another world, a so-called bygone age.

In the extant southern states today, though, the conflict defines them. The old Grant-Lee face-off is now a political one, a culture war where bitter hyperbole and myth prevails.

Warsaw and Berlin/Capital to Capital

I arrive at Warsaw Modlin with three mates. We meet another in my hotel room and drink the night away, random bar to bar, the heavily accented rejection “Not tonight, lads” a frequent leitmotif. This pattern continued the following two nights; no historical sites or culturally relevant landmarks were sampled.

I emerged with a ghastly unexplained bruise on my shoulder, and lost three jackets and a phone – someone is enjoying the plethora of life-changing memes on that phone (hours of work). I therefore have no photographic proof to provide evidence that I was in the Polish capital so I’ll just sign off by saying that Warsaw was … alright.

To Berlin Hauptbahnhof on the 1400 train in a lovely First Class carriage. A porter chucks us bottles of water. At Poznan, a middle-aged Chilean couple join us. They speak very eloquently about the fight for the Republican nomination. Donald Trump dominates the chat. I’m a bit ashamed of myself for not nipping that topic in the bud.

Berlin got a bit X-rated on occasion, the most subdued episodes nightly trips to Last Cathedral bar just north of Rosa-Luxemburg-Platz. A self-described ‘Horror Rock Bar’, we shot the proverbial shit in the atmospheric haunt, discussing Game of Thrones and East German historiography in hushed voices.

Nothing touristy was done; walking tours were jettisoned in favour of lengthy hangover-induced lie-ins with Alka-Seltzer and YouTube. This was not a conscious decision to take the apostate route and ‘be different’ by embracing the anti-tourist modus operandi. It was merely a case of being too ill to leave the hotel before 7:00 p.m. Moreover, I had been to Berlin before, so I didn’t feel I was missing out on much daylight happenings.

What I did take from Berlin was a sense of the possible, a wander in an evolving maze. I see no uniformity to Berlin save its randomness. The city feels like it was endearingly designed using the paint program on a Windows desktop. The locals seem content with this, chilled, unencumbered with appearances.

A few salient memories remain: Zooming past the Berlin Wall in a Mercedes-Benz in a dash to the airport, smoking Cointreau from an e-cig, guzzling from a litre-bottle of Smirnoff Ice in Matrix club and convincing myself I was a hip-hop artist, a chat with a verbose pub bouncer about the Stasi, and insouciantly munching sushi off a bin like a glorified hobo.

Once upon a time in the noughties, alcohol didn’t dominate holiday proceedings. I’m not sure when I’ll fully exercise a bit of nostalgia and hit a city teetotal, but when I do I’ll frequent the museums and stuff.

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The Great Outdoors.

Ardgartan, a secluded little village by Loch Long in Argyll and Bute, was a charming wee haven, an idyllic getaway from the mechanised racket down south.

It’s solitude up north, a place to gather thoughts, ruminate, recharge the proverbial batteries. I often listen to the devastatingly dramatic music of Richard Wagner in these moments, and think of ways of taking over the world. It’s never going to happen, but one can fantasise.

Highlights:

Laziness.

I’ve always been more into looking at scenes of natural beauty than … climbing up them. I therefore gazed in admiration at the surrounding hills with their snow-topped peaks, and took a few photos of the beasts. Neglecting any extended adventuring, I did manage to crawl out of our liquor lodge estate and ramble around Loch Long to the Village Inn and back.

The swing.

I’ve not been on a swing in decades. Nostalgia kicked in. Other estate guests offered some concerned facial expressions my way. Perhaps I should have jettisoned the Jack Daniel’s bottle.

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Bug Hotel.

Even travelling insects need their comforts.

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