Category Archives: Travel

Straight Outta a Bond Villain. Under, Lindesnes. Norway’s underwater eatery.

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Lindesnes, Norway. A meal at ‘Under’ can cost up to £350, this Europe’s first underwater munch den with 100 seats available for diners. Food has never interested me much (unless I’m pished and craving kebabs) save the architectural design of eateries; I suppose the idea behind this venue is that it’s an ‘experience’. The Spy Who Loved Me (1977) comes to mind, the only decent Roger Moore number in the Bond canon. Though the restaurant is only five metres under the sea, it’s a step in the right direction, the ultimate aim a Pot Noodle in the wreck of the Titanic.

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Further reading:

https://www.artfido.com/underwater-restaurant-has-been-completed-in-norway-and-it-looks-out-of-this-world/?fbclid=IwAR1L8T5J3G62DxAQp-FQp_o6b6iyO3-4Jk_JEJB5_OypptcRMMNErJ2iVQE

https://www.dw.com/en/worlds-largest-underwater-restaurant-opens-in-norway/a-48002099

https://under.no/

 

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MH370 – five years on.

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MH370 is the 2010s very own version of Amelia Earhart, and we may never definitively know what happened; even if the black box somehow washes up on a Tom-Hanks-and-Wilson island, it’ll be beyond repair given the more than five years of aimless swimming.

Its disappearance has irrevocably changed aviation, though.

The FAA has mandated that by 2020 all commercial aircraft are to be equipped with transponders having ADS-B out capability, meaning the plane’s location can be detected in real time.

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The Global Aeronautical Distress and Safety System (GADSS) will from January 2021 ensure that airlines report all of their planes positions every 15 minutes. In addition, the International Civil Aviation Organization (ICAO) mandated that on aircraft built from 2022, those flights in distress will have to report their position to air traffic control every minute, and that all underwater locator beacons last 90 days instead of 30.

A further change initiated by the ICAO is the requirement that planes made from 2021 include 25-hour voice recorders so there will be a record not only of the flight but the cockpit preparations.

What one can’t account for is human error and, though a very infrequent event, the mental instability and criminal intent of the pilots. That’s the elephant on the plane; some folk are just nutters undetected by background and periodic checks (if any). In the wake of the Germanwings Flight 9525 crash in 2015, someone suggested to me there should be a system in place for a team of controllers on the ground to remotely override the pilot’s commands were he to go loco. It’s something to think about, however outlandish.

Further reading:

https://www.independent.co.uk/travel/news-and-advice/mh370-malaysia-airlines-missing-plane-disappearance-investigation-final-report-mystery-unsolved-a8803836.html

https://edition.cnn.com/2019/03/08/us/mh370-fifth-anniversary-malaysia-flight-370-space-based-global-tracking/index.html

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/mar/07/mh370-five-years-of-theories-about-one-of-aviations-greatest-mysteries

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House of Soviets in Kaliningrad.

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What is it about the Evil Empire and their ugly-as-fuck brutalist buildings? A legacy imbued with obsessions of ‘social realism’ shows scant regard for anything ‘real’ about its constructs; concrete eyesores sticking out like sore thumbs, their centrepiece buildings merely highlight the lunacy of the ideology running the system.

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In the Kaliningrad enclave, we have this anomaly plonked there, a robot geezer built beside the rubble of Königsberg Castle. It speaks to the USSR’s fixation with technology and its precedence over the human element. A central administration building, its interior was never finished and the project ran out of cash. It did, however, receive a paint job in 2005.

Nuts.

Further reading:

https://www.archdaily.com/897382/the-house-of-soviets-why-should-this-symbolic-work-of-soviet-brutalism-be-preserved

https://failedarchitecture.com/the-rebuilding-of-a-hornets-nest/

 

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HS2 is coming.

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“HS2 will change things.”

I remember the chat well. This was eight years ago when I was doing soul-destroying manual labour/customer service in Edinburgh Waverley train station. The job was well paid and a laugh – colleagues were cracking banter and all hit the sauce like pros – but the “civilians” who ventured into that station. Fucking hell. Never again. Members of the general public are the dregs of humanity.

Anyway, I heard this HS2 topic daily, a colossal event on the horizon. The railways in Britain are a shambles. No-one knows why and not a soul has a solution. It’s been like this for the past century. No-one knows why. HS2 is meant to be the panacea for the chaos.

HS2 trains, expected to be operating by December 2026, will be 400 metres long, travelling at up to 250 mph – the fastest in Europe, apparently – and able to hold 1,100 seats, the initial line between London and the West Midlands. Following this, ‘Phase 2’ will connect Birmingham to Manchester and Leeds.

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The new lines will connect to existing standard-speed lines, with ‘classic compatible’ trains running on both high-speed and classic lines. The idea is that classic lines will benefit from HS2. The London to Edinburgh journey time, for example, will be 3:38 hours instead of 4:23.

Guaranteed they will still cost a fucking fortune, though.

I can get a flight to Dublin for £6 but a train to London King’s Cross is £194. And this for the privilege of being sat on some rickety rocket chock-full of intoxicated bairns.

Trains are torture.

Further reading:

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2019/02/16/true-cost-hs2-not-known-boss-controversial-rail-scheme-admits/

https://www.globalrailwayreview.com/article/77763/hs2-route-uk-cities-development/

 

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Gorgie, Edinburgh – The Ghetto.

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Ah, Gorgie. They call it ‘God’s Country’. The place is hardly the pearly gates. Lots of aggressive creatures, Chewbaccas on crack and all that jazz. It does look kind of cinematic, though, in a grim and manky way. A new Hovis advert should be made here with a tracksuit-clad junkie on a stolen tricycle.

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Airport security pre 9/11.

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Waiting at the gate is an exploit I remember from that Friends episode (“The One with Ross’s New Girlfriend”, 1995) when Rachel – peak Jennifer Aniston with flowers in hand – waits for Ross returning from China, only for him to emerge with a new missus. Much like the whimsical innocence of mid-’90s sitcoms, we’ll never see such things in an airport again.

Looking at pre-9/11 airports is as if being confronted with an alien entity – the lax rules, the laissez-faire atmosphere of the buildings, the … freedom of the places. I flew on about seven flights prior to September 11, and even as a teenager I recall the airport endeavour was a doddle, much like crucifixion in the Python cinematic universe. It explains the success of the hijackers, especially when you consider box cutters and small knives were permitted on certain aircraft at the time.

I don’t think anyone with a modicum of concern for their own or another’s safety is bothered about making the ‘sacrifices’ of conforming to post-9/11 air travel rules. No bottle of Volvic allowed from outside the airport? Diddums. It’s a small price to pay.

The awfulness stems from interaction with passengers who are thick as fuck, and these are voluminous. Airports appear to be a breeding ground for the bottom-rung IQ scale of the general public. I’m talking about fuckers who line up at the conveyor belt oblivious to the omniscient signs on display indicating the liquid prohibitions, clowns who try and smuggle Prosecco on board, the haughty lot who protest at taking their shoes off, the numpties who insist on walking through the metal detector with a pocket full of shrapnel.

They are the real pain in the arse.

Further reading:

https://www.farecompare.com/travel-advice/9-ways-security-has-changed-since-911/

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/jun/29/my-short-life-as-an-airport-security-guard

https://www.cntraveler.com/story/how-airport-security-has-changed-since-september-11

https://www.cheatsheet.com/culture/things-you-could-do-at-an-airport-before-9-11.html/

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Berlin – Metropolis of Crime (1918-1933).

An excellent wee doc here from DW, the anything-goes bacchanal of the Weimar Republic captured in all its glory. What a time to be alive – left vs. right, paramilitary chaos, Fritz Langesque serial killers, rampant crime, easy credit, and in the middle of this ‘Golden Twenties’ expressionist bonanza, Berlin’s loonies shagging, drinking, and sliding down poles. Just lovely.

Further reading:

http://www.spiegel.de/international/germany/spiegel-series-on-berlin-history-the-golden-twenties-a-866383.html

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The Airbus A380 superjumbo is done.

5c535331d7ab670292531998-2732-13662021 and that’s the end for the Gulliver of the skies. Airbus – Boeing’s apparent nemesis – announced this month that their double-deck four-engine behemoth with its looney range of 8,500 nautical miles (with plush onboard bars), will no longer be made once its last deliveries are finished in 2021. Emirates were Airbus’ biggest customer, but once they cut their orders it was game over.

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It’s another example of the economics simply not working despite the superior aesthetics on display, airlines opting for smaller twin-engine planes, i.e., more efficient, cost-friendly orders.

It’s not exactly a Greek tragedy but a bit of a shame. As James Cameron (perhaps apocryphally) once said, “Bigger is better.” However, we will still see the existing colossal beasts rampaging through the clouds in the decades to come and then, presumably, dwindle away like the Dreadnought battleship of the early 20th century, sold for scrap metal or converted into a niche hotel for plane spotters who habitually wear Concorde pyjamas.

Sad.

Further reading:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-47225789

https://newatlas.com/airbus-a380-cease-deliveries/58486/

https://www.theguardian.com/business/2019/feb/14/passengers-love-airbus-a380-but-it-never-fully-took-off-with-buyers

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Princes Street wasn’t always a toilet.

I fucking hate Princes Street. It’s dire, chock-full of stores that appear designed exclusively for desperate housewives. There are also mobile phone shops and a budget book place – this curious number sells no novels, the only items on display autobiographies of pointless celebrities and road maps of Denmark published in 2004. All very bizarre. Added to this is the plethora of American tourists crawling about with their bumbags on, elephants in the In Bruges (2008) sense.

Princes Street looked decent in 1858, though. No spackers to be seen here.

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Ennio Morricone tour.

Ennio-Morricone-201114I first heard Ennio Morricone emanating from a dusty 4:3 TV in 1999. It was quite the introduction. For a Few Dollars More (1965) was on and I must confess it was the music that sucked me in rather than the story; I’d simply never heard of anything even remotely like it before. These days, on a Saturday afternoon attempting to trot off flab from a surfeit of Friday night booze, I on occasion find myself panting past our local Edinburgh prison to the very same maestro whom I ‘met’ in ’99, The Mission (1986) theme carrying me to the finish line.

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Claudia Cardinale in Once Upon a Time in the West (1968).

The Italian’s music is synonymous with American cinema, just as his friend, compatriot and collaborator Sergio Leone is in the vanguard of Americana. Looking back at those Leone masterworks, seldom has music so perfectly been synced to visuals. And it is telling to know that the score was indeed played on set and the shots aligned to its rhythm.

His final live performances have arrived this year. I hate to say ‘swansong’ but one wonders where Morricone continues to muster the energy from at 90 years of age. His upcoming concerts are in Antwerp, Dublin, Verona, and the last showings in June – six nights in a row – at the Terme di Caracalla in Rome. One must truly experience The Ecstasy of Gold at these splendid Roman baths.

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Terme di Caracalla, Rome.

One expects an anthology – this a fucking hell of a task to cherry-pick from over 500 scores – of some of the most operatic and iconic music to have emerged from 20th century cinema. Ennio Morricone is a trooper.

Further reading/viewing:

http://www.enniomorricone.org/events/

https://www.theguardian.com/music/2018/nov/27/ennio-morricone-review-o2-arena-london

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